And the slog through the old Facebook posts continues...
January
Stoked and motivated to work my tail off for the next 6 months!!! which is a good thing, cuz I'm gonna hafta.
I did not expect for tears to come simply by passing the freeway exit to my grandpa's house. Dammit.
Dropped our ketubah off at the framing studio. Think I can get it on the wall before our 10 year anniversary?
February
I was browsing au pair profiles even though I still think that's an unlikely route for us, and I think very firmly that the au pair company should have given a somewhat Americanized name to the young woman named "Supaporn."
Welcome to the 21st century: My daughters are using their email addresses to send each other messages like "Poooooooooooooooo". Some things change, and some things don't.
Apparently there's an STD nicknamed Donovanosis. Oh great. Well, at least I didn't name my daughters Chlamydia and Gonorrhea.
Today, Eliana told me she didn't want me anymore. I told her to write a letter requesting reassignment, to the woman she wanted to be her mother now. She wrote it to me. Happy Valentine's Day!
There's nothing in this world like motherhood to leave you stripped to your core, raw and aching. Love hurts.
March
D strips himself naked; Kes picks up her blanket (knit by my grandmother 20 years ago before she died), approaches D: "Are you cold, honey?" Wraps him in the blanket, like wings folding around him, and I think: warm blanket, sister's love, great-grandma's love, truly the wings of the shekhinah.
If I had to pick two words to sum up my last two weeks: bass-ackwards and mind-blowing.
Goodbye Kessa, hello Kesenia! ("Mom, I like Kesenia best now. Please don't call me Kessa anymore. But it's okay if you forget every once in a while.")
More email updates from the front lines of sisterhood: Kesenia is now tattling on Eliana via emails to me while I'm at work.
I spent about 48 hrs wondering why I hadn't finished my MA and taught anthro instead of pursuing the strange world I've brought around myself. Then today I noticed I was studying pap smears, oncogenic HPV strains, and genital lesions, without having planned to do so, while enjoying my nice lunch salad. I think it's all good again.
April
K: "Mom, what does fame mean?"
Me: "It's when everyone knows who that person is. Someone's famous when you know who that person is even though you don't know them. Like Lady Gaga and P!nk."
K: "Oh, I get it, I get it. Waitwaitwait... you mean Lady Gaga and Pink are REAL???"
D stumbles into my room half asleep and blinded by my overhead light: "Nene, Mommy?" "Nope, it's sleep time." "Read a book to me, Mommy?" "Nope, it's sleep time." "Sleep to me, Mommy?" Who could resist? Precious fleeting moments feeling him drift off while still clutching me around the neck. My empty nest may be 16 years off, but I can see it.
Eliana, 7: "I don't like Jewish school because of all the stories that I just don't believe in! All that stuff can't have really happened, Mom. It's not real."
I literally almost fell over, mostly b/c I was laughing so hard at how awesome she is.
10 points if you can guess what I said back.
May
I think it's a good solid sign you're sleep deprived when you get the urge to do jazz hands because you have gloves on... latex-free non-sterile medical gloves.
"Hello, I will not come out until you let me out today and I mean it. Nowone will see me again until you do it. (exept for special acations of corse) Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Sorry. I can not say that sentence. The world is selfish and cruel. Goodbye forever until you let me out. PS. Go Away! P.S.S. Let Me Out! Eliana"
D might just win cutest "I love you": "Ah wuh loo."
Eliana's watching The Princess Bride for the first time tonight! A momentous occasion deserving Dad and Mom all to herself, popcorn, M&M's, and a late bedtime.
My dad says, "Why couldn't you have done something easy for a living? Like be a lawyer."
When Eliana was 4 she chased down, picked up, and got bitten by a jumping spider. Precocious D has checked this off his bucket list at 2.5.
I LOVE the body God gave me! Now the body the kids gave me, I'm less enamored with. ;)
June
Still have no idea why there was a helicopter circling above for over 15 minutes at 1am last night... with no searchlight on or anything. But I do have an update on the situation, via Donovan: "Helicoppy no get us. Wiwwow clode."
My iPhone can fill in "birthiversary" and "birthgivingday" for me, guesses lots of crazy and wrong words after I've input one or two letters, but won't fill in the last two letters of "schedule", "breakfast", or "weekend"! ?
Scott has a coworker named Yoga Kippur. This makes the JewBu in me very happy.
Donovan: "Gitcher own, LaLa. Gitcher own." Once again, hard to feel sorry for Eliana when it comes straight from her own mouth...
July
Chocolate cupcake with lime frosting. Who knew?
With the glaring exception of homophobia, I am so impressed with the values and priorities of this Mormon community. The rest of the US could use a dose of this sensibility.
Dizzy, temperature sensitive, constant internal monologue, achy, and nauseous. 2 points each = a 10 on my sleep deprivation Apgar scale.
Time has no meaning. I've had three naps in the past 24 hrs. We won't talk about what came before then... I can't remember! Trying now to get a good 6 hour chunk or longer... wish me luck!
OMG, 2 nights of sleep? What kind of parallel universe is this? Ahhhhhh.
It's Saturday, no one's in labor, I don't have clinic, I don't have my kids with me, and my body wakes me up at 6:30???
Dear ginger chews, you are quite hot and spicy enough to keep me awake while driving at 4 am just the way you are. There is no need to try to go down the wrong pipe. Please refrain in the future.
Trunky: LDS slang referring to a missionary's homesickness/burnout toward the end of the mission. Applied to me by my supervisor on my last day of my midwifery internship in UT, with the implication that I had earned it.
August
I just got a FB friend request from Willma Dickfit.
2001: "When Hell freezes over will I pay tuition for my children's elementary education, especially not in a school centered around one religion or culture."
2011: "Hey Lucifer... it cold down there?"
My husband is at a "work conference." And by that, I mean he's at a Metallica concert.
September
I sent all the paperwork from my Utah internship to my midwifery school today. The package weighed almost two pounds. It may have looked like paper, on the outside, but once in the envelope I could have sworn the contents were two pounds of my blood, sweat, and tears, and three weeks of my breath.
2 years and 2 days after my first birth with my Nova ladies, I got to catch my 25th baby as official primary under supervision and attend my 74th official birth as a midwifery student. (Unofficially, 27 catches and 88 births as student, and I have no idea how many doula births.) This boggles.
E: "I feel like running away from home."
Me: "Where are you going to go?"
E: "I'll wait on the sidewalk for someone to call the police and then the police can take me to Grandma's house. But first I need a rope."
Me: "What's the rope for?"
E: "To climb out the window down to the street."
Me: "We do have stairs..."
D: "Tekiyah!" (blows toy shofar) "Teriyaki!" (blows toy shofar)
You know your 3 year old had a great birthday when bedtime results in a record-breaking meltdown followed by sudden silence.
October
Sometimes Kesenia says something that sounds exactly like my Grandma Anne. I know she's got a bunch of her genes just by looking at her, but it's still uncanny when the same phrasing and inflection comes out of her mouth. How does my 6 year old Californian sound like a 90 year old New York Jew?
Watching Donovan try to remove his temporary tattoos.
Dear God, when I named my firstborn "God has answered me," I guess I jumped the gun a little. I apologize for being presumptuous. 8 years later... Please may I have some answers for parenting her? Or one? Or just a clue? Humbly, Me.
So... that vacation I thought I took 6 months ago? It was in 2010, not 2011. I don't know what that means.
I woke up to find my eldest and my father playing poker at the kitchen table.
D: "Mommy, me play a big, scawy song on the pano. It go BOMBOMBOM."
November
I walked out of my (old) house for the last time today. Goodbye Chapman Way.
"Donovan, you can wear clothes or pajamas when you're sick. What do you want to wear today?"
"Me wanna wear naked."
Sweet, sweet Eliana is cuddling a double ear infection-ed boy to sleep. Beautiful.
Now he's delegating:
Me: "Donovan, can I have a snuggle?"
D: "Kessa, can you go snuggle Mama?"
December
I haven't figured out how to drink wine with glasses on. I keep bumping the glass into my glasses as I try to finish off the last sips. I'm sure the fact that I'm tipsy by the end of one glass is not helping.
Donovan keeps showing off his new vocabulary word, "directions," by using it as often as possible. Fortunately for my sick sense of humor, he can't pronounce it correctly. He leaves off the D... so we're having lots of inadvertent conversations about erections.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Ramblings on college
First day at community college today! I'm enrolled in Nutrition and Spanish. Nutrition is one of the prerequisites for all the nursing programs I'm interested in, and Spanish is for fun. Well, I suppose it's actually more important than that, because learning Spanish has been one of my back-burner personal goals since I moved to LA for college 15 years ago, so it's nice to finally take it from queued up to cued up!
Speaking of that glorious age gap between college age and my age... I sat down in Spanish class and the woman next to me turned to me and said, "How old are you?" Now, this question isn't something people generally ask, certainly not right off the bat, so I made a split second decision to give her the benefit of the doubt and answered, "Thirty-three." She said, "Oh wow, I thought you were in your twenties. I'm eighteen, and I think I'm the youngest one in here." I said, "Nah, I'm sure there are lots of people right out of high school here," (although the truth is, anyone under 25 looks like 18 to me anymore) and thought, yep, I was right to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's still not the most polite question, perhaps, but she was feeling intimidated, and apparently didn't think I was old enough to have reached the point where it was inappropriate to ask, so I'll cut her some slack. I had actually just been walking around the campus noting how young everyone looked (and the fact that I'm almost twice as old as many of them), so I related to her feeling of being on the sides of the age spectrum.
It was also the second time in the past week that my age has come up with someone I didn't really know. The other time was when a mother of young children asked me if Donovan was my only child, and I replied that I have nine and seven year old girls. She said, "Oh, you look too young to have a nine year old!" To which I replied a thank you and that I was young when she was born. I can't remember whether she asked my age or not.
Right, my classes...
Both professors are energetic and engaging, thank heavens. The Spanish professor is going to do a full immersion course, which absolutely thrills me. I know that's what I need. She did half the class time in Spanish today, and won't speak in English again unless she absolutely has to, and I was pretty impressed by her ability to teach Spanish using only Spanish. She says her semester class is worth about 3 years of high school Spanish, so I say bring it on. I've been waiting a long time for this!
It's very strange to be back in school in the age of computers. I walked in to Nutrition, and the screen had a webpage projected onto it so that the professor could show us how to log in to the course website to do our homework. I feel like I ought to become a member of AARP when I talk about what the technology was like when I went to college, and I only graduated 12 years ago. (I called home from orientation on a pay phone. In my defense, it had push buttons, not a rotor.) We had email and signed up for classes via the internet starting my second or third quarter. But no professors used power point yet, there was no such thing as an online course, and submitting coursework via email attachment is something I did once when I was sick and the instructor took pity on me.
It's also strange to have the background I do. Most of the people there have recently graduated high school. Some others have spent time working after high school. This is what we expect from college students. So, when my Nutrition professor asked us to give a short intro and tell her why we were taking her class, and all the other students were talking about where they worked and what their major was, I'm thinking, "Hi, I'm Megan, I'm a mom and a midwife, and I don't have a major here because I already have a bachelor's from UCLA, but this is one of the prerequisites I'm taking so I can get a nursing degree to become a midwife... yes I know I'm already a midwife... it's complicated." So I just said, "Hi, I'm Megan, I'm undeclared and am taking prerequisites for an accelerated bachelor's in nursing," so that I wouldn't sound braggy but giving the instructor the chance to gather that it's a second degree if she knows about ABSN programs. The strange part to me is balancing being open and honest about who I am and where I come from, without making anyone feel that I think I'm better than they are.
In truth, I think we're on completely equal footing. I've never taken these classes before. At UCLA, I avoided science classes like the plague. My physical science courses were in Environmental Science. My biological science course was Anatomy and Physiology for non-science majors, no lab component, and I took it pass/no pass! I was going to be an elementary school teacher, so I majored in the subject I enjoyed most. I never would have believed you if you had told me I'd be a midwife someday. If I'd had any inkling, you can bet I would have worked my tail off to get into UCLA's nursing school.
Hindsight.
It's going to be a grand adventure. Even if I end up deciding to stick with being a licensed midwife working in home birth, rather than going back to school to be a nurse-midwife so that I can work in any setting, I'm excited to be exercising my brain while the kids are in school, and learning new things. This semester in particular is exciting since these topics will be applicable to my life in general, not just to my potential career path.
I'll check in with updates. Hopefully not all of them will be about speaking Frespañol. ("Escucho la radio tous les jours." Yeah.)
Speaking of that glorious age gap between college age and my age... I sat down in Spanish class and the woman next to me turned to me and said, "How old are you?" Now, this question isn't something people generally ask, certainly not right off the bat, so I made a split second decision to give her the benefit of the doubt and answered, "Thirty-three." She said, "Oh wow, I thought you were in your twenties. I'm eighteen, and I think I'm the youngest one in here." I said, "Nah, I'm sure there are lots of people right out of high school here," (although the truth is, anyone under 25 looks like 18 to me anymore) and thought, yep, I was right to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's still not the most polite question, perhaps, but she was feeling intimidated, and apparently didn't think I was old enough to have reached the point where it was inappropriate to ask, so I'll cut her some slack. I had actually just been walking around the campus noting how young everyone looked (and the fact that I'm almost twice as old as many of them), so I related to her feeling of being on the sides of the age spectrum.
It was also the second time in the past week that my age has come up with someone I didn't really know. The other time was when a mother of young children asked me if Donovan was my only child, and I replied that I have nine and seven year old girls. She said, "Oh, you look too young to have a nine year old!" To which I replied a thank you and that I was young when she was born. I can't remember whether she asked my age or not.
Right, my classes...
Both professors are energetic and engaging, thank heavens. The Spanish professor is going to do a full immersion course, which absolutely thrills me. I know that's what I need. She did half the class time in Spanish today, and won't speak in English again unless she absolutely has to, and I was pretty impressed by her ability to teach Spanish using only Spanish. She says her semester class is worth about 3 years of high school Spanish, so I say bring it on. I've been waiting a long time for this!
It's very strange to be back in school in the age of computers. I walked in to Nutrition, and the screen had a webpage projected onto it so that the professor could show us how to log in to the course website to do our homework. I feel like I ought to become a member of AARP when I talk about what the technology was like when I went to college, and I only graduated 12 years ago. (I called home from orientation on a pay phone. In my defense, it had push buttons, not a rotor.) We had email and signed up for classes via the internet starting my second or third quarter. But no professors used power point yet, there was no such thing as an online course, and submitting coursework via email attachment is something I did once when I was sick and the instructor took pity on me.
It's also strange to have the background I do. Most of the people there have recently graduated high school. Some others have spent time working after high school. This is what we expect from college students. So, when my Nutrition professor asked us to give a short intro and tell her why we were taking her class, and all the other students were talking about where they worked and what their major was, I'm thinking, "Hi, I'm Megan, I'm a mom and a midwife, and I don't have a major here because I already have a bachelor's from UCLA, but this is one of the prerequisites I'm taking so I can get a nursing degree to become a midwife... yes I know I'm already a midwife... it's complicated." So I just said, "Hi, I'm Megan, I'm undeclared and am taking prerequisites for an accelerated bachelor's in nursing," so that I wouldn't sound braggy but giving the instructor the chance to gather that it's a second degree if she knows about ABSN programs. The strange part to me is balancing being open and honest about who I am and where I come from, without making anyone feel that I think I'm better than they are.
In truth, I think we're on completely equal footing. I've never taken these classes before. At UCLA, I avoided science classes like the plague. My physical science courses were in Environmental Science. My biological science course was Anatomy and Physiology for non-science majors, no lab component, and I took it pass/no pass! I was going to be an elementary school teacher, so I majored in the subject I enjoyed most. I never would have believed you if you had told me I'd be a midwife someday. If I'd had any inkling, you can bet I would have worked my tail off to get into UCLA's nursing school.
Hindsight.
It's going to be a grand adventure. Even if I end up deciding to stick with being a licensed midwife working in home birth, rather than going back to school to be a nurse-midwife so that I can work in any setting, I'm excited to be exercising my brain while the kids are in school, and learning new things. This semester in particular is exciting since these topics will be applicable to my life in general, not just to my potential career path.
I'll check in with updates. Hopefully not all of them will be about speaking Frespañol. ("Escucho la radio tous les jours." Yeah.)
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Miracles
Donovan came downstairs an hour ago, after a few hours of sleep and right at my bedtime. He almost instantaneously fell back asleep in my lap, and I haven't managed to get up and put him back to bed so that I can get some sleep. I sit here, finding useless drivel and a few pages of interest on the internet, all as an excuse to keep listening to him breathing and feeling his weight and warmth. I look at him to examine his eyelashes and lips, and try to burn his four year old image into my memory.
In response to last Friday's tragedy, a woman posted a lovely piece on her blog that details in beautiful prose the eccentricities of six year olds, explaining in part why we as mothers find ourselves mourning these children we didn't know. Reading it, I had tears streaming down my face, not only for the mothers who lost children, but for all moms. This post in particular made me cry because, while most mothers will not lose their six year olds to death, we will, if we are lucky, lose our six year olds to age seven.
These moments are precious and fleeting, and I hope that, when every mother is posting in her blog or on Facebook to "hold your child a little tighter," it is not only out of fear for the slight chance that she could lose her child, but also in acknowledgement of how very precious every day is that we have together with our loved ones. Any of us could die prematurely, but more than that, should I live one hundred years, each of my children living to bury me, these moments will have been equally as important. We are all so valuable to each other. And we all change and grow - but not with the speed and wonder of children.
Donovan has slid off me now. He is on the couch, with one leg draped across my legs, the other tucked up near his tuchis with his arm wrapped around it, and the other arm up across my belly. His head is tilted back, and I keep glancing over to watch his pulse in his neck for a few seconds at a time.
He can't say "sk." He likes to aks me questions. He loves his Spiderman maks. He has a book that has a snuck in it. In addition to aksing me questions, he likes to make comments. "Mommy? I love you. That's a commint." "Mommy? I have a commint. I sink my sisters should come home now." (His TH comes out as S, which is fair because Kesenia's S comes out as TH.) He likes skin contact with his hands, primarily wrapped around the back of my neck. His hugs and cuddles are wholehearted and often uncomfortably enthusiastic. He seems to have no idea that he has grown in the past three years, so that he snuggles and roughhouses like a golden lab that thinks he's a chihuahua.
He is the most ordinary boy and the most extraordinary. Every child is the most extraordinary.
No matter how many births I attend or how old my children get, I continue to marvel at the miracle of their breath and pulse. The miracle of life, of being, its transience, its mystery, how all the evidence I can observe of their lifeforce while they sleep has absolutely nothing to do with who they are. How much their existence means to me that I could never have imagined before them.
Yesterday, he asked me where he was before he was in my belly. Oh my sweet. In my heart, in an ovary, tucked in a corner of the galaxy where spirits come into being, with all those who have come before us and all those who will come after us, everywhere, nowhere, in another dimension where all that exists is love.
In response to last Friday's tragedy, a woman posted a lovely piece on her blog that details in beautiful prose the eccentricities of six year olds, explaining in part why we as mothers find ourselves mourning these children we didn't know. Reading it, I had tears streaming down my face, not only for the mothers who lost children, but for all moms. This post in particular made me cry because, while most mothers will not lose their six year olds to death, we will, if we are lucky, lose our six year olds to age seven.
These moments are precious and fleeting, and I hope that, when every mother is posting in her blog or on Facebook to "hold your child a little tighter," it is not only out of fear for the slight chance that she could lose her child, but also in acknowledgement of how very precious every day is that we have together with our loved ones. Any of us could die prematurely, but more than that, should I live one hundred years, each of my children living to bury me, these moments will have been equally as important. We are all so valuable to each other. And we all change and grow - but not with the speed and wonder of children.
Donovan has slid off me now. He is on the couch, with one leg draped across my legs, the other tucked up near his tuchis with his arm wrapped around it, and the other arm up across my belly. His head is tilted back, and I keep glancing over to watch his pulse in his neck for a few seconds at a time.
He can't say "sk." He likes to aks me questions. He loves his Spiderman maks. He has a book that has a snuck in it. In addition to aksing me questions, he likes to make comments. "Mommy? I love you. That's a commint." "Mommy? I have a commint. I sink my sisters should come home now." (His TH comes out as S, which is fair because Kesenia's S comes out as TH.) He likes skin contact with his hands, primarily wrapped around the back of my neck. His hugs and cuddles are wholehearted and often uncomfortably enthusiastic. He seems to have no idea that he has grown in the past three years, so that he snuggles and roughhouses like a golden lab that thinks he's a chihuahua.
He is the most ordinary boy and the most extraordinary. Every child is the most extraordinary.
No matter how many births I attend or how old my children get, I continue to marvel at the miracle of their breath and pulse. The miracle of life, of being, its transience, its mystery, how all the evidence I can observe of their lifeforce while they sleep has absolutely nothing to do with who they are. How much their existence means to me that I could never have imagined before them.
Yesterday, he asked me where he was before he was in my belly. Oh my sweet. In my heart, in an ovary, tucked in a corner of the galaxy where spirits come into being, with all those who have come before us and all those who will come after us, everywhere, nowhere, in another dimension where all that exists is love.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Gems 2010
January
After a new year's kiss from both her mom and dad, and a swig of Martinelli's post-clink in a real wine glass, Kes looked up at me and said, (wait for it...) "Where's the toast?"
Donovan: "Lalala" = Eliana. Oh my heart.
OK, I'm officially pathetic. Packing up to ship out two of the girls' dresses that they've outgrown and I sold... and crying.
Eliana asked for thirds at dinner tonight. Not surprising, except the meal was tofu with onions, cabbage, and brussel sprouts. Man, there is nothing on this planet like hearing a 6 year old say "more brussel sprouts, please".
Overheard from the next room: K - "You're not a fairy anymore." E - "Oh no, that means I'm dead!" (THUD)
February
Kes just got out of bed: "Mommy I have to tell you something. Thank you for naming me that, it's the most beautiful name in the whole world. And, I have to tell you a question. Who in our family loves God the most?"
Just got an automated call from my kids' medical group: "Our records indicate that your child has not received the flu vaccine. The flu season is not over." Funny, we've noticed both of those things in the past week.
March
E: "Mom, I wish there was magic in the world, so I could ask you to grant wishes, and I would wish that there were no more fires in the world, and no more bad dreams. Are you sure that wishing wells aren't real? Can we look for one, and if you let me have one of your pennies, I'll let you have one from my piggy bank."
I have brought 3 babies to this world from my own body, but tonight I laid hands on an emerging baby for the first time, and thought, "Oh wow, so *that's* how it works!"
Bought some nail polish at Whole Foods this morning to have a girly toenail painting session with my big girl. Eliana: "Wow, mom, thanks for the heck of spoiling me!"
Overheard on her way to her room for some mommy-enforced pull-it-together time, Eliana: "Why do I do this to myself?"
Had a fabulous vacation! Got to see 10 family members I rarely see, a friend I hadn't seen in 10 years, and my best friend. Watched my 12 year old cousin play ice hockey (the only girl in the league), went to a movie in the theatre for the first time in an embarrassingly long time, and let the kids run around UCLA.
April
Hospital cesarean rates range from 13.3%-70.5% in the state of California. I know what that says to me... what does it say to you?
Donovan is so happy to be home and see his Daddy that he just put on a 10 minute long slapstick/show-off demonstration for him. Had us both in stitches!
E: "My dream last night was bad! Our house was half like Grandma's house, and there was a secret room with a volcano in it. Then the volcano sprouted, and we had no snorkels! But for good, we survived."
Two hours at an alternative school yesterday, one meeting with our public school principal today, and I'm now more confused than ever.
As a naked D climbed into Kessa's bed this morning, Kessa: "Yike! I don't like boys with penises in my bed!" (Yeah, Kessa... keep that attitude for a loooong time, will ya?)
Just realized that today marks Donovan's 19 month birthday - which means he's nursed longer than either of my girls did! Only 5 months to go til the goal I always had and have never been so close to!
May
"Holy sakes, Mom, I love you so much it's even more than you love me!" Holy sakes, Eliana, I don't think that's possible.
The miracle of motherhood is that each child is the best one. Lucky me, I got the best mom to boot.
Took E with me to neonatal resuscitation role playing session today. She wanted to participate; I said the students needed to practice how to help babies who needed it. Her response? "When you're done, can you do a birth where the baby is OK, and then can I help?"
June
Laughing at myself for what just came out of my mouth after Eliana started to whine and make excuses after getting caught: "Don't fuss at me! You disobeyed me, I'm the one who should be fussing!"
We're officially nightweaning Donovan. And by "we" I mean Scott.
I would not recommend telling a 4.5 year old with an active imagination that there is magma underneath the earth's surface.
2 sexy men checked out my behind while talking in Italian... Great ego boost! Til 5 minutes later when I realized I just had a gummy bear stuck to my jeans.
July
Good life lived, Grandpa. Goodbye, I love you. You'll always be my hero.
The sadness sneaks up; I know it always will find its moments. There is peace in a certain rightness of it all. A long life of love, laughter, loss. The decline of the body, personality intact, unwilling to abide. All of us left behind celebrating the person we have lost, appreciating what he gave us. Wanting to fight it, but finding sadness untinged by injustice. Easier to accept the circle of life when it's full.
As of today, 28 assist births and ONE PRIMARY!!!
I just had the hands-down best vegetarian sushi I have ever had, and my mom said her salmon strawberry salad was about as good as it gets. Who knew the best Japanese food would be in Orem, Utah?
Donovan is squirting himself with a water gun, joyfully, right in the face.
August
I found D dragging the broom down the hallway, followed him to retrieve it, and found that he was bringing it out for a very good reason! (The contents of a box of cereal all over my kitchen floor.) I'd be proud of him for wanting to clean up after himself if I didn't suspect that the mess was made solely for that purpose.
Oopwoop (n): a small widely cultivated muskmelon with a heavily netted rind and reddish-orange flesh. Originated by Donovan, from the English, "cantaloupe."
I appreciate Sharon so much! And someday D will be able to tell you the same, instead of just calling you Tssth. (It's a start.)
September
D just walked up to me with an empty Odwalla bottle and mango smoothie in his hair and all over his face: "Uh-oh. Mmmmmmmmm!!!!"
I got paid a pretty penny to sleep in a strange man's bed last night. (An exercise in reserving judgement. I haven't traded in one of the world's oldest professions for the other.)
"Oh go away, bad lizard. Don't you be followin me. We're just playin a game, you're not a part of me. Oh go away, bad lizard. Don't you know I don't love you. Go away, go away." "Nice song, Eliana." "Well, you know, I'm a rock star."
Years and years of kids in cloth diapers, including 6 months of TWO in cloth, always washed my own. Making the switch to ordering a service. In other words, UNCLE!!!
Eliana just told me, "Mom, you should make yourself clear."
OMGcuteness: D's newest word is "happy!"
October
Living on a wish and caffeine.
I'm watching Kessa write a list of the books she wants, and D scribble with markers. So awesome that he is drawing with them instead of eating them!!!
I gave Donovan a sticker for pooping in the potty, which he promptly stuck to the end of his penis. Talk about defeating the purpose.
I would like to switch off my multitasking button, but I can't find it amidst all the stuff I'm doing.
Kes, having just been given white socks to put on: "but those don't have any beautiful for my girl feet!"
November
Ahem, pardon me, excuse me... SCOTT GAVE NOTICE!!! SCOTT GAVE NOTICE!!! New gig starts Nov 22. Hallelujah!!!
Today I stood in the space where Donovan was born, took deep breaths, and tried to let go. Everywhere else in the house I am excited to move out and move on. In that space, I want to stay forever.
E: "I don't want to wear leggings any more, I want to wear jeans because they make me look like a big kid, and I AM a big kid."
Every time my girls' twinkletoes light up while I'm driving in the dark, I think I'm getting pulled over by CHP. Dear Sketchers, next time could you make the lights in the twinkletoes any other color combo besides blue, white, and dark pink?
December
Current cutest word: "huk" = hug.
I wore sandals today. It was raining. That may officially make me a hippie, if I wasn't already.
E asked permission to stop playing with me and go on her zoobuh email. 2 minutes later I get an email from her: "Mom, can you gmail me back and tell me more about college?" And to think I expected she'd be emailing someone in maybe a *different* house.
Eliana, to me: "You are making my day so much more terrible than it was!!!" (internal monologue: "The feeling is mutual, my child.")
D is sleeping in his own bedroom tonight! Woot for ending the 3 kids in one room phase of our lives! Now to move all the toys out of the family room and into the kids' bedrooms!!!
After a new year's kiss from both her mom and dad, and a swig of Martinelli's post-clink in a real wine glass, Kes looked up at me and said, (wait for it...) "Where's the toast?"
Donovan: "Lalala" = Eliana. Oh my heart.
OK, I'm officially pathetic. Packing up to ship out two of the girls' dresses that they've outgrown and I sold... and crying.
Eliana asked for thirds at dinner tonight. Not surprising, except the meal was tofu with onions, cabbage, and brussel sprouts. Man, there is nothing on this planet like hearing a 6 year old say "more brussel sprouts, please".
Overheard from the next room: K - "You're not a fairy anymore." E - "Oh no, that means I'm dead!" (THUD)
February
Kes just got out of bed: "Mommy I have to tell you something. Thank you for naming me that, it's the most beautiful name in the whole world. And, I have to tell you a question. Who in our family loves God the most?"
Just got an automated call from my kids' medical group: "Our records indicate that your child has not received the flu vaccine. The flu season is not over." Funny, we've noticed both of those things in the past week.
March
E: "Mom, I wish there was magic in the world, so I could ask you to grant wishes, and I would wish that there were no more fires in the world, and no more bad dreams. Are you sure that wishing wells aren't real? Can we look for one, and if you let me have one of your pennies, I'll let you have one from my piggy bank."
I have brought 3 babies to this world from my own body, but tonight I laid hands on an emerging baby for the first time, and thought, "Oh wow, so *that's* how it works!"
Bought some nail polish at Whole Foods this morning to have a girly toenail painting session with my big girl. Eliana: "Wow, mom, thanks for the heck of spoiling me!"
Overheard on her way to her room for some mommy-enforced pull-it-together time, Eliana: "Why do I do this to myself?"
Had a fabulous vacation! Got to see 10 family members I rarely see, a friend I hadn't seen in 10 years, and my best friend. Watched my 12 year old cousin play ice hockey (the only girl in the league), went to a movie in the theatre for the first time in an embarrassingly long time, and let the kids run around UCLA.
April
Hospital cesarean rates range from 13.3%-70.5% in the state of California. I know what that says to me... what does it say to you?
Donovan is so happy to be home and see his Daddy that he just put on a 10 minute long slapstick/show-off demonstration for him. Had us both in stitches!
E: "My dream last night was bad! Our house was half like Grandma's house, and there was a secret room with a volcano in it. Then the volcano sprouted, and we had no snorkels! But for good, we survived."
Two hours at an alternative school yesterday, one meeting with our public school principal today, and I'm now more confused than ever.
As a naked D climbed into Kessa's bed this morning, Kessa: "Yike! I don't like boys with penises in my bed!" (Yeah, Kessa... keep that attitude for a loooong time, will ya?)
Just realized that today marks Donovan's 19 month birthday - which means he's nursed longer than either of my girls did! Only 5 months to go til the goal I always had and have never been so close to!
May
"Holy sakes, Mom, I love you so much it's even more than you love me!" Holy sakes, Eliana, I don't think that's possible.
The miracle of motherhood is that each child is the best one. Lucky me, I got the best mom to boot.
Took E with me to neonatal resuscitation role playing session today. She wanted to participate; I said the students needed to practice how to help babies who needed it. Her response? "When you're done, can you do a birth where the baby is OK, and then can I help?"
June
Laughing at myself for what just came out of my mouth after Eliana started to whine and make excuses after getting caught: "Don't fuss at me! You disobeyed me, I'm the one who should be fussing!"
We're officially nightweaning Donovan. And by "we" I mean Scott.
I would not recommend telling a 4.5 year old with an active imagination that there is magma underneath the earth's surface.
2 sexy men checked out my behind while talking in Italian... Great ego boost! Til 5 minutes later when I realized I just had a gummy bear stuck to my jeans.
July
Good life lived, Grandpa. Goodbye, I love you. You'll always be my hero.
The sadness sneaks up; I know it always will find its moments. There is peace in a certain rightness of it all. A long life of love, laughter, loss. The decline of the body, personality intact, unwilling to abide. All of us left behind celebrating the person we have lost, appreciating what he gave us. Wanting to fight it, but finding sadness untinged by injustice. Easier to accept the circle of life when it's full.
As of today, 28 assist births and ONE PRIMARY!!!
I just had the hands-down best vegetarian sushi I have ever had, and my mom said her salmon strawberry salad was about as good as it gets. Who knew the best Japanese food would be in Orem, Utah?
Donovan is squirting himself with a water gun, joyfully, right in the face.
August
I found D dragging the broom down the hallway, followed him to retrieve it, and found that he was bringing it out for a very good reason! (The contents of a box of cereal all over my kitchen floor.) I'd be proud of him for wanting to clean up after himself if I didn't suspect that the mess was made solely for that purpose.
Oopwoop (n): a small widely cultivated muskmelon with a heavily netted rind and reddish-orange flesh. Originated by Donovan, from the English, "cantaloupe."
I appreciate Sharon so much! And someday D will be able to tell you the same, instead of just calling you Tssth. (It's a start.)
September
D just walked up to me with an empty Odwalla bottle and mango smoothie in his hair and all over his face: "Uh-oh. Mmmmmmmmm!!!!"
I got paid a pretty penny to sleep in a strange man's bed last night. (An exercise in reserving judgement. I haven't traded in one of the world's oldest professions for the other.)
"Oh go away, bad lizard. Don't you be followin me. We're just playin a game, you're not a part of me. Oh go away, bad lizard. Don't you know I don't love you. Go away, go away." "Nice song, Eliana." "Well, you know, I'm a rock star."
Years and years of kids in cloth diapers, including 6 months of TWO in cloth, always washed my own. Making the switch to ordering a service. In other words, UNCLE!!!
Eliana just told me, "Mom, you should make yourself clear."
OMGcuteness: D's newest word is "happy!"
October
Living on a wish and caffeine.
I'm watching Kessa write a list of the books she wants, and D scribble with markers. So awesome that he is drawing with them instead of eating them!!!
I gave Donovan a sticker for pooping in the potty, which he promptly stuck to the end of his penis. Talk about defeating the purpose.
I would like to switch off my multitasking button, but I can't find it amidst all the stuff I'm doing.
Kes, having just been given white socks to put on: "but those don't have any beautiful for my girl feet!"
November
Ahem, pardon me, excuse me... SCOTT GAVE NOTICE!!! SCOTT GAVE NOTICE!!! New gig starts Nov 22. Hallelujah!!!
Today I stood in the space where Donovan was born, took deep breaths, and tried to let go. Everywhere else in the house I am excited to move out and move on. In that space, I want to stay forever.
E: "I don't want to wear leggings any more, I want to wear jeans because they make me look like a big kid, and I AM a big kid."
Every time my girls' twinkletoes light up while I'm driving in the dark, I think I'm getting pulled over by CHP. Dear Sketchers, next time could you make the lights in the twinkletoes any other color combo besides blue, white, and dark pink?
December
Current cutest word: "huk" = hug.
I wore sandals today. It was raining. That may officially make me a hippie, if I wasn't already.
E asked permission to stop playing with me and go on her zoobuh email. 2 minutes later I get an email from her: "Mom, can you gmail me back and tell me more about college?" And to think I expected she'd be emailing someone in maybe a *different* house.
Eliana, to me: "You are making my day so much more terrible than it was!!!" (internal monologue: "The feeling is mutual, my child.")
D is sleeping in his own bedroom tonight! Woot for ending the 3 kids in one room phase of our lives! Now to move all the toys out of the family room and into the kids' bedrooms!!!
Birth and the ocean
I wrote the following today in response to a FB comment in which a woman said how much she dislikes the adage "Trust birth." (I generally agree with her, though I understand the impetus to remove some of the excessive fear around birth in our society.)
I always say I trust birth like I trust the ocean. I trust it to be powerful, to have some constants but to be unpredictable, to be bigger than I am, and I don't turn my back on it. I can learn skills to help traverse it, but I can't control it. It can be beautiful, peaceful, awe-inspiring, and it can wreak havoc. It predicates life but can take life. And I love being around it.
I always say I trust birth like I trust the ocean. I trust it to be powerful, to have some constants but to be unpredictable, to be bigger than I am, and I don't turn my back on it. I can learn skills to help traverse it, but I can't control it. It can be beautiful, peaceful, awe-inspiring, and it can wreak havoc. It predicates life but can take life. And I love being around it.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Gems 2009
My mom doesn't seem to think Facebook is a good enough permanent record of how awesome my kids are. She's probably right; it's much easier to go back through my blog, and I can archive it on my computer. So, here are some of my favorite moments I posted on Facebook over the past few years, starting with 2009. I'm sure this isn't as interesting for you, dear readers, as a real update or an opinion piece, but I do want to hold on to these moments for my children's futures.
January 2009
Happy to be working on a 1000 piece puzzle instead of 24.
My husband appreciation shirt has been rendered unwearable by boy pee.
Bouncing a baby boy in his Beco Butterfly on a birth ball.
Being held captive by a snoozing boy. Or is that captivated?
Both relieved and sad that Donovan now takes a paci.
Crying with hope. (My friend Julie's son was born with congenital diaphragmatic hernia and was not expected to survive. This was in response to the first update after his birth, which told us that he was doing better than expected. He's three now. http://thetuleys.blogspot.com/)
February 2009
Can't type my statu s beca use D keeps h itt ing the spa ce bar.
Who swapped out D for anti-sleep boy?
Very sad about the line of cars outside E's school with posters in the windows that say, "I teach here and got my pink slip."
March 2009
My baby boy officially exists. (Got him his birth certificate at 5.5 months of age.)
Amazed that I went from 0 to 3 kids asleep in 60 seconds. If only it had been a little earlier....
May 2009
Laugh for the day: Kessa: "When I was a little kid..."
I love co-sleeping, but I'm becoming less and less enamored with co-not-sleeping.
Just found Eliana filling in the online form to be contacted by an "Admissions Advisor" from American InterContinental University.
June 2009
I hope D will find a new, and less stinky, favorite food than goat cheese.
Cleaning house with a boy on my back.
Flabbergasted that D purposefully submerged his entire face in the bathtub, held it under for several seconds, and repeated this several times tonight.
July 2009
I think it's official - D talks! None of my 3 kids' first words have been mama or dada, but all 3 have made me proud. (Eliana: book; Kesenia: Nana (Eliana); Donovan: Nehneh (nursies).)
Trying to figure out which shoulder houses the good angel and which shoulder houses the bad angel.
Just looked in the baby book and found out that at D's age, Kes was 3 lbs and 1.25" bigger than Donovan. And y'all wonder why I look confused when you tell me how big he is.
Awesome thing about Elly #473: She loves watching opera on TV, cries about the plot, but won't stop reading the subtitles to spare herself.
The UC Davis Human Lactation Center - love that they have to specify "human."
Grasping at D's infancy.
August 2009
It's absolutely stunning how much cooler - erm, *less hot* - 100 degrees feels when I'm not pregnant.
I need a shower, I have D's banana on my shirt, my girls are in jammies, D is pantsless, and I am going to Peet's right NOW.
Fell asleep at 8:30 with Donovan. Kudos to Eliana: "I noticed it was dark out so I looked at the clock, and it said 9:17 so I went to bed."
September 2009
Woke up this morning to Kessa telling Donovan, "You're my pride and joy!"
Which child do I take to 4 year old preschool today? KESSA??? Doesn't Eliana still go to Beth Emek? What do you mean she's in first grade? Donovan's not turning one! Stop denying me my denial!
A year ago just now, I had some good contractions and a sneezing fit, and when I sneezed in the middle of a good contraction, my water broke. I thought, wow, we'll probably have this baby by dawn. Ha! Wrong, so wrong. Contractions ramped up for a couple hours and then stopped, and thus began the waiting game. And now you know, don't sneeze during contractions unless you're really in labor.
October 2009
Got home from a birth at 5:30 am and wondered briefly what my neighbors must think when I drive up to the house at all hours, park terribly, and stumble to my front door, then decided I don't care.
3.7 near Sunol = first earthquake Eliana has felt.
"Eliana, if I said you could take piano when you turn 7, but you'd have to choose a sport to give up, what would you choose?" "No, Mom, I don't want to stop doing any of my activities." *picks jaw up off floor*
Having Mommy guilt about my 3 days away at MANA after hearing Kessa cry out in her sleep and say, "Bye-bye, Mama!" Heartbreaking.
November 2009
The house does not have feelings. The house does not have feelings. My kids needed to play at the park today, and the house does not have feelings.
Today, I'm thankful that my hair is Kessa's blankie. Mmmmm, cuddles. (Aw, she gave that up when I made her quit thumb-sucking.)
December 2009
Major milestone: the day the kid reaches something higher than you thought he could reach, making an enormous mess, and you mutter to yourself while cleaning it up, though you are superbly thankful it wasn't something sharp or hot.
Apparently I didn't learn from yesterday's milestone. Today, my shoes smell like eggnog.
Last night's Hanukkah: sparse decorating, candlelighting, latkes, applesauce, broccoli, cake, and a $9 present that they all have to share... and they smothered me in gratefulness and love. Three cheers for unspoiled children.
I wonder what causes a one year old to wake himself up in the middle of the night by hiccuping.
Eliana gave my brother a list of seven things to find, requiring him to check them off using stickers, and then wrote him a note saying, "Congragalations! You figured out the scavenger hunt!"
January 2009
Happy to be working on a 1000 piece puzzle instead of 24.
My husband appreciation shirt has been rendered unwearable by boy pee.
Bouncing a baby boy in his Beco Butterfly on a birth ball.
Being held captive by a snoozing boy. Or is that captivated?
Both relieved and sad that Donovan now takes a paci.
Crying with hope. (My friend Julie's son was born with congenital diaphragmatic hernia and was not expected to survive. This was in response to the first update after his birth, which told us that he was doing better than expected. He's three now. http://thetuleys.blogspot.com/)
February 2009
Can't type my statu s beca use D keeps h itt ing the spa ce bar.
Who swapped out D for anti-sleep boy?
Very sad about the line of cars outside E's school with posters in the windows that say, "I teach here and got my pink slip."
March 2009
My baby boy officially exists. (Got him his birth certificate at 5.5 months of age.)
Amazed that I went from 0 to 3 kids asleep in 60 seconds. If only it had been a little earlier....
May 2009
Laugh for the day: Kessa: "When I was a little kid..."
I love co-sleeping, but I'm becoming less and less enamored with co-not-sleeping.
Just found Eliana filling in the online form to be contacted by an "Admissions Advisor" from American InterContinental University.
June 2009
I hope D will find a new, and less stinky, favorite food than goat cheese.
Cleaning house with a boy on my back.
Flabbergasted that D purposefully submerged his entire face in the bathtub, held it under for several seconds, and repeated this several times tonight.
July 2009
I think it's official - D talks! None of my 3 kids' first words have been mama or dada, but all 3 have made me proud. (Eliana: book; Kesenia: Nana (Eliana); Donovan: Nehneh (nursies).)
Trying to figure out which shoulder houses the good angel and which shoulder houses the bad angel.
Just looked in the baby book and found out that at D's age, Kes was 3 lbs and 1.25" bigger than Donovan. And y'all wonder why I look confused when you tell me how big he is.
Awesome thing about Elly #473: She loves watching opera on TV, cries about the plot, but won't stop reading the subtitles to spare herself.
The UC Davis Human Lactation Center - love that they have to specify "human."
Grasping at D's infancy.
August 2009
It's absolutely stunning how much cooler - erm, *less hot* - 100 degrees feels when I'm not pregnant.
I need a shower, I have D's banana on my shirt, my girls are in jammies, D is pantsless, and I am going to Peet's right NOW.
Fell asleep at 8:30 with Donovan. Kudos to Eliana: "I noticed it was dark out so I looked at the clock, and it said 9:17 so I went to bed."
September 2009
Woke up this morning to Kessa telling Donovan, "You're my pride and joy!"
Which child do I take to 4 year old preschool today? KESSA??? Doesn't Eliana still go to Beth Emek? What do you mean she's in first grade? Donovan's not turning one! Stop denying me my denial!
A year ago just now, I had some good contractions and a sneezing fit, and when I sneezed in the middle of a good contraction, my water broke. I thought, wow, we'll probably have this baby by dawn. Ha! Wrong, so wrong. Contractions ramped up for a couple hours and then stopped, and thus began the waiting game. And now you know, don't sneeze during contractions unless you're really in labor.
October 2009
Got home from a birth at 5:30 am and wondered briefly what my neighbors must think when I drive up to the house at all hours, park terribly, and stumble to my front door, then decided I don't care.
3.7 near Sunol = first earthquake Eliana has felt.
"Eliana, if I said you could take piano when you turn 7, but you'd have to choose a sport to give up, what would you choose?" "No, Mom, I don't want to stop doing any of my activities." *picks jaw up off floor*
Having Mommy guilt about my 3 days away at MANA after hearing Kessa cry out in her sleep and say, "Bye-bye, Mama!" Heartbreaking.
November 2009
The house does not have feelings. The house does not have feelings. My kids needed to play at the park today, and the house does not have feelings.
Today, I'm thankful that my hair is Kessa's blankie. Mmmmm, cuddles. (Aw, she gave that up when I made her quit thumb-sucking.)
December 2009
Major milestone: the day the kid reaches something higher than you thought he could reach, making an enormous mess, and you mutter to yourself while cleaning it up, though you are superbly thankful it wasn't something sharp or hot.
Apparently I didn't learn from yesterday's milestone. Today, my shoes smell like eggnog.
Last night's Hanukkah: sparse decorating, candlelighting, latkes, applesauce, broccoli, cake, and a $9 present that they all have to share... and they smothered me in gratefulness and love. Three cheers for unspoiled children.
I wonder what causes a one year old to wake himself up in the middle of the night by hiccuping.
Eliana gave my brother a list of seven things to find, requiring him to check them off using stickers, and then wrote him a note saying, "Congragalations! You figured out the scavenger hunt!"
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Career developments
There are a couple of major developments on my career path!
One, I'm starting up my own business as a licensed midwife providing prenatal and postpartum supplemental care to women planning hospital births. I'll be offering them all the care home birth midwives give their clients during our hour-long visits that obstetricians and hospital midwives simply don't have the time to give, and may also not have the training to give (e.g. holistic approaches). I will also provide home inductions for select prenatal clients and potentially for select clients of doula friends; the first and foremost criterion for home induction will be that it would occur within a day or two of a scheduled hospital induction. (In other words, I'd be trying to help them avoid Pitocin and/or Cytotec.) Well-woman care and prenatal classes will round out the business. Stay tuned for my website!
Two, I'm officially a DVC student for Spring 2013. I will be taking prerequisites for the BSN and MSN programs I am considering, so that I will be ready to move forward either direction when I decide (in 2014 or 2015) whether to go back on call as a licensed midwife providing home birth services or to go back to school to get my MSN to be a nurse-midwife in a hospital. Nursing prerequisites tend to be impacted classes, so hopefully I am going to be able to get these classes done within a reasonable amount of time while still being able to schedule them while Donovan is in preschool or at night after bedtime. There are also some online options I can explore, at DVC and otherwise, and I can also take classes at CSU East Bay as part of its "Open University" program. Most importantly, I have to get excellent grades so that I can get accepted into an accelerated BSN or MSN program. (And then, if I go the BSN route, I will need to continue to have nothing but top-notch grades so I can get into a distance MSN program.) My graduate school GPA was fantastic, but my UCLA GPA makes me a bit nervous, especially if you count the pass/no pass classes which factor in as C grades if they are included. It's above the minimum, but not as high as I'd like to feel confident about getting into a school that's high on my list. Also, I'm not sure how it's going to look that I started grad school and left before completing my MA. I am hoping that they will see my tenacity and perseverance from my completion of my midwifery licensure program, and understand that I left my MA program simply because I decided against the career that had been the whole purpose of obtaining the degree. Given that the accelerated programs specialize in helping people switch careers, I am optimistic that they won't hold that against me. Regardless, I'm holding myself to a high standard for my grades in these prerequisites.
Finally, I am still hoping to do some birth work over the next couple of years. Of course, with a class schedule, I won't have the option of going on call full time. However, I am hoping that a birth center or private home birth practice will be able to find a use for me to be on call a couple of days a week, or that I can fill in for an assist during school breaks, to enable her to take a vacation. It might be pie in the sky, considering the full 24/7 call that most area midwives are committed to, but I'm throwing it out there that I am looking for this kind of work.
If you are a friend or client who has a friend planning a hospital birth but not getting everything she needs from her OB or who is postpartum and would like some extra support, or if you are a home birth midwife with a potential client who just couldn't convince her husband to agree to home birth, I would appreciate your referrals. If you are a home birth or birth center midwife who would like to share call or has an assist who would like to share call, I would love to talk about working together. If you would like to simply cheer me on for success in school or in my business, I would also appreciate that!
One, I'm starting up my own business as a licensed midwife providing prenatal and postpartum supplemental care to women planning hospital births. I'll be offering them all the care home birth midwives give their clients during our hour-long visits that obstetricians and hospital midwives simply don't have the time to give, and may also not have the training to give (e.g. holistic approaches). I will also provide home inductions for select prenatal clients and potentially for select clients of doula friends; the first and foremost criterion for home induction will be that it would occur within a day or two of a scheduled hospital induction. (In other words, I'd be trying to help them avoid Pitocin and/or Cytotec.) Well-woman care and prenatal classes will round out the business. Stay tuned for my website!
Two, I'm officially a DVC student for Spring 2013. I will be taking prerequisites for the BSN and MSN programs I am considering, so that I will be ready to move forward either direction when I decide (in 2014 or 2015) whether to go back on call as a licensed midwife providing home birth services or to go back to school to get my MSN to be a nurse-midwife in a hospital. Nursing prerequisites tend to be impacted classes, so hopefully I am going to be able to get these classes done within a reasonable amount of time while still being able to schedule them while Donovan is in preschool or at night after bedtime. There are also some online options I can explore, at DVC and otherwise, and I can also take classes at CSU East Bay as part of its "Open University" program. Most importantly, I have to get excellent grades so that I can get accepted into an accelerated BSN or MSN program. (And then, if I go the BSN route, I will need to continue to have nothing but top-notch grades so I can get into a distance MSN program.) My graduate school GPA was fantastic, but my UCLA GPA makes me a bit nervous, especially if you count the pass/no pass classes which factor in as C grades if they are included. It's above the minimum, but not as high as I'd like to feel confident about getting into a school that's high on my list. Also, I'm not sure how it's going to look that I started grad school and left before completing my MA. I am hoping that they will see my tenacity and perseverance from my completion of my midwifery licensure program, and understand that I left my MA program simply because I decided against the career that had been the whole purpose of obtaining the degree. Given that the accelerated programs specialize in helping people switch careers, I am optimistic that they won't hold that against me. Regardless, I'm holding myself to a high standard for my grades in these prerequisites.
Finally, I am still hoping to do some birth work over the next couple of years. Of course, with a class schedule, I won't have the option of going on call full time. However, I am hoping that a birth center or private home birth practice will be able to find a use for me to be on call a couple of days a week, or that I can fill in for an assist during school breaks, to enable her to take a vacation. It might be pie in the sky, considering the full 24/7 call that most area midwives are committed to, but I'm throwing it out there that I am looking for this kind of work.
If you are a friend or client who has a friend planning a hospital birth but not getting everything she needs from her OB or who is postpartum and would like some extra support, or if you are a home birth midwife with a potential client who just couldn't convince her husband to agree to home birth, I would appreciate your referrals. If you are a home birth or birth center midwife who would like to share call or has an assist who would like to share call, I would love to talk about working together. If you would like to simply cheer me on for success in school or in my business, I would also appreciate that!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Typing
I am teaching Eliana how to properly type. Today, she wanted to watch me type, to see how I keep my hands centered and move my fingers. I stopped talking, and while she talked to me, I typed back. Here's the transcript of my side of the conversation:
"I love Eliana so very very much that I am going to kiss her a zillion times. Don't run away, not right now. I have a whole lifetime to keep kissing her and kissing her. Plus she’s sick and snotty and so am I. So why would I want to kiss her right now? Yucky. Ew. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. Get off! No more kisses! Please please please. Ew now she’s touching her stinky feet. Eeeeew. Go wash your hands. Maybe you should put on some socks. Weren’t you going to read some more? Or are you having too much fun watching Doctor Who? No sneezing allowed. Ew no don't kiss me now. Phew, but I could smell your snotty breath. Ew ew ew. Haven’t I ever told you that giggling and silliness are not allowed in this household? Well, then why are you giggling? No coughing allowed either. Now, go wash your hands, and then what should we do? Type what? Every what? Infinity infinity infinity infinity. You said type everything. So, infinity. Yes? What is it my darling snotty child? That would take 33 years. Type what? What about? Ask me a question. You still can’t understand. You won’t be able to understand how much I love you until you become a mommy yourself. And then you won’t believe it, because you’ll think you love your children more than any other mommy in the whole wide world loves her children, even more than I love you. That’s how much I love you. So I’d love to tell you all about it, but you still won’t know for many many years."
She was uncontrollably giggling through about the first half of this. Then, the question she asked was, "What have you wanted me to understand since I was a baby, but I couldn't understand then?"
"I love Eliana so very very much that I am going to kiss her a zillion times. Don't run away, not right now. I have a whole lifetime to keep kissing her and kissing her. Plus she’s sick and snotty and so am I. So why would I want to kiss her right now? Yucky. Ew. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. Get off! No more kisses! Please please please. Ew now she’s touching her stinky feet. Eeeeew. Go wash your hands. Maybe you should put on some socks. Weren’t you going to read some more? Or are you having too much fun watching Doctor Who? No sneezing allowed. Ew no don't kiss me now. Phew, but I could smell your snotty breath. Ew ew ew. Haven’t I ever told you that giggling and silliness are not allowed in this household? Well, then why are you giggling? No coughing allowed either. Now, go wash your hands, and then what should we do? Type what? Every what? Infinity infinity infinity infinity. You said type everything. So, infinity. Yes? What is it my darling snotty child? That would take 33 years. Type what? What about? Ask me a question. You still can’t understand. You won’t be able to understand how much I love you until you become a mommy yourself. And then you won’t believe it, because you’ll think you love your children more than any other mommy in the whole wide world loves her children, even more than I love you. That’s how much I love you. So I’d love to tell you all about it, but you still won’t know for many many years."
She was uncontrollably giggling through about the first half of this. Then, the question she asked was, "What have you wanted me to understand since I was a baby, but I couldn't understand then?"
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Rosh Hashanah
When I first became Jewish, Passover was my favorite holiday, probably because the seder reminded me of Thanksgiving, and I liked spending time with family. Since having kids, especially Donovan, my favorite has switched to Rosh Hashanah.
I love my children's wonder at our ancient and plentiful world and our small but important place in it. I love teaching them how crucial good relationships are and what integrity means. I love that they enjoy the symbols and rituals (and let's be honest, they don't feel that way about Passover).
I love remembering sitting down to eat with my girls on the first night four years ago, going on 21 hours of broken water without contractions, and having all my worries about not going into labor at home just melt away from me. I always seem to spend Rosh Hashanah remembering my emotional experience of that time and of his birth, and then focusing more on him on September 30th: his amazing growth and development, and his enjoyment of being the birthday boy. It's almost as though I view Rosh Hashanah as my birthing day and the 30th as his birthday.
I love my children's wonder at our ancient and plentiful world and our small but important place in it. I love teaching them how crucial good relationships are and what integrity means. I love that they enjoy the symbols and rituals (and let's be honest, they don't feel that way about Passover).
I love remembering sitting down to eat with my girls on the first night four years ago, going on 21 hours of broken water without contractions, and having all my worries about not going into labor at home just melt away from me. I always seem to spend Rosh Hashanah remembering my emotional experience of that time and of his birth, and then focusing more on him on September 30th: his amazing growth and development, and his enjoyment of being the birthday boy. It's almost as though I view Rosh Hashanah as my birthing day and the 30th as his birthday.
I love being prompted every year to examine myself and honestly appraise my real shortcomings rather than the false or shallow shortcomings I tend to focus on throughout the year. We all get so bogged down in the moment, overly criticizing ourselves for small mistakes, missing the bigger picture. At Rosh Hashanah, I have to intensely look at the whole picture of who I am and who I want to be. It's a big job and an incredible opportunity that I am grateful to have.
Shanah Tovah!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)