My baby boy turns three tomorrow! Incredible! Here's some recent cuteness from him.
"Moly holy!"
"Elilala" has turned into "Elilana"
"Happy Rosh Hashalah!"
"Kiki, me onwy Donowan. Me not Baby Donowan anymore."
Walking down the stairs first thing in the morning: "Mommy! Dere a boy comin!"
"Me need help. Me onwy a lidda boy."/"Me do it aself. Me a big boy."
D: "Me want to go back a my fwend's house. Me want more Shabbat."
Me: "We're going home now, but when we wake up, it'll be your birthday."
D: "WHAAAT?"
Me: "Yep, and we'll go to a park and see friends."
D: "Donowan birfday! Donowan birfday! Donowan birfday!"
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Food, stress, self-care, oh my!
Food:
January-June, I ate pretty well, though always on the run. I wasn't cooking. I was eating freezer meals, take-out, prepared foods from Whole Foods, and food from the fridge at Starbucks.
July, I was in Utah and was eating worse. Sometimes the same types of foods as before. Sometimes less - plain greek yogurt and a green smoothie was a pretty common meal. I was making an effort to eat nutritious foods, but finding little time to eat.
From the end of July to the middle of August, I ate terribly. I was packing up my house, getting ready to leave, and I gave up completely and ate at a restaurant or ate take-out most of my meals. I gained 4 lbs in 3 weeks, which is the first time that has ever happened outside of pregnancy.
Right around the time we moved out of our house and into our temporary apartment, my body let me know that it was done with this. The high-fat diet of outside meals gave me a gallbladder attack - the first one since I was a teenager - right about the same time that I started wanting to eat a whole bunch of salad, fruit, and tofu/veggie stirfry. I didn't even want dessert - and for someone with a sweet tooth like mine, that's saying a lot.
Stress:
I got home from Utah running on empty emotionally, not only because my stay there was so intense, but because of the six months that preceded it. Then I dove right in to moving, and not just moving but moving into a small and temporary place in a bad neighborhood, with a long commute to my girls' school and to my work. My husband and I don't quite know how to interact, since we are both so stressed and are having a hard time supporting each other because we are both so bogged down in our own stress. I'm also gearing up for submitting my application for the NARM exam (aka licensing boards), putting all my ducks in a row and studying.
Self-care:
I'm getting what should be adequate sleep. I am exercising, although this is pretty clearly the one facet of self-care which has plenty of room for improvement. I am spending time with friends and laughing. I'm having fun with the kids when they're off school. I even managed to get a massage last week.
I've been in a pretty horrific mood - very self-critical, primarily. I've been trying to figure out where it's coming from, because it feels disproportionate to the actual amount of stress that I am under. I finally figured out that it's just a cumulative effect of the several months of stress, the month of eating absolute junk, and the fact that right now, I am losing weight. Looking back over my life, I definitely get more self-critical and "down" when I am losing weight, for any reason. Since I am not losing weight on purpose, and I am eating nutritious foods when I am hungry, I don't really know what to do about that. I am hoping it will even out over time as I adjust back to a healthy and low-fat diet, and that I will just naturally stop losing weight as I reach a body composition that my body actually likes, or that my body will be okay with adding in more healthy fats as time passes since having overdone it on the fats.
I apologize for being MIA on the blog. If you know me in person, I apologize for being crabby at you if I have been. I think I have mostly been crabby at myself, though, and the good news is that I am able to keep all my responsibilities fulfilled, and am enjoying my time with my kids, friends, colleagues, and clients quite a bit. This tells me that I'm okay (and gives me a reprieve from being hard on myself). But I am definitely looking forward to the self-doubt monster getting the boot, when this funk passes or I find a solution.
I hesitated about posting this. Do former and potential future clients who are reading this really want to know when I feel weak? I finally decided just to be real. Midwifery is hard. It's physically, intellectually, and emotionally challenging. Midwives burn out at a high rate. Most midwifery students don't complete their training. Other midwifery students reading this deserve to know it's not always rainbows and roses for me and only challenging for them. So here you have it, a bump in my road. It'll smooth out. I've had bumps before. I've got a full tool box, a heart full of resolve (*cough* stubbornness), and all the support I need.
Ah - acupuncture. That's the one tool left in my toolbox. I think it's time for a trip to Berkeley to see my favorite acupuncturist.
January-June, I ate pretty well, though always on the run. I wasn't cooking. I was eating freezer meals, take-out, prepared foods from Whole Foods, and food from the fridge at Starbucks.
July, I was in Utah and was eating worse. Sometimes the same types of foods as before. Sometimes less - plain greek yogurt and a green smoothie was a pretty common meal. I was making an effort to eat nutritious foods, but finding little time to eat.
From the end of July to the middle of August, I ate terribly. I was packing up my house, getting ready to leave, and I gave up completely and ate at a restaurant or ate take-out most of my meals. I gained 4 lbs in 3 weeks, which is the first time that has ever happened outside of pregnancy.
Right around the time we moved out of our house and into our temporary apartment, my body let me know that it was done with this. The high-fat diet of outside meals gave me a gallbladder attack - the first one since I was a teenager - right about the same time that I started wanting to eat a whole bunch of salad, fruit, and tofu/veggie stirfry. I didn't even want dessert - and for someone with a sweet tooth like mine, that's saying a lot.
Stress:
I got home from Utah running on empty emotionally, not only because my stay there was so intense, but because of the six months that preceded it. Then I dove right in to moving, and not just moving but moving into a small and temporary place in a bad neighborhood, with a long commute to my girls' school and to my work. My husband and I don't quite know how to interact, since we are both so stressed and are having a hard time supporting each other because we are both so bogged down in our own stress. I'm also gearing up for submitting my application for the NARM exam (aka licensing boards), putting all my ducks in a row and studying.
Self-care:
I'm getting what should be adequate sleep. I am exercising, although this is pretty clearly the one facet of self-care which has plenty of room for improvement. I am spending time with friends and laughing. I'm having fun with the kids when they're off school. I even managed to get a massage last week.
I've been in a pretty horrific mood - very self-critical, primarily. I've been trying to figure out where it's coming from, because it feels disproportionate to the actual amount of stress that I am under. I finally figured out that it's just a cumulative effect of the several months of stress, the month of eating absolute junk, and the fact that right now, I am losing weight. Looking back over my life, I definitely get more self-critical and "down" when I am losing weight, for any reason. Since I am not losing weight on purpose, and I am eating nutritious foods when I am hungry, I don't really know what to do about that. I am hoping it will even out over time as I adjust back to a healthy and low-fat diet, and that I will just naturally stop losing weight as I reach a body composition that my body actually likes, or that my body will be okay with adding in more healthy fats as time passes since having overdone it on the fats.
I apologize for being MIA on the blog. If you know me in person, I apologize for being crabby at you if I have been. I think I have mostly been crabby at myself, though, and the good news is that I am able to keep all my responsibilities fulfilled, and am enjoying my time with my kids, friends, colleagues, and clients quite a bit. This tells me that I'm okay (and gives me a reprieve from being hard on myself). But I am definitely looking forward to the self-doubt monster getting the boot, when this funk passes or I find a solution.
I hesitated about posting this. Do former and potential future clients who are reading this really want to know when I feel weak? I finally decided just to be real. Midwifery is hard. It's physically, intellectually, and emotionally challenging. Midwives burn out at a high rate. Most midwifery students don't complete their training. Other midwifery students reading this deserve to know it's not always rainbows and roses for me and only challenging for them. So here you have it, a bump in my road. It'll smooth out. I've had bumps before. I've got a full tool box, a heart full of resolve (*cough* stubbornness), and all the support I need.
Ah - acupuncture. That's the one tool left in my toolbox. I think it's time for a trip to Berkeley to see my favorite acupuncturist.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Absence makes the heart...
The kids were at my parents' for the past two days and got home right at bedtime tonight. I gave the girls a cuddle, and Eliana said, "Mom, I missed you."
"I missed you, too, honey!" I replied.
And then she finished her sentence: "...for the first time."
I guffawed.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Oh, I love you, Eliana."
"I missed you, too, honey!" I replied.
And then she finished her sentence: "...for the first time."
I guffawed.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Oh, I love you, Eliana."
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