Thursday, October 5, 2006

Elly update

Elly's been in preschool for a month now and she simply loves it. She has made friends, her favorite of whom is Ella (of all things). Other people I hear about are Samantha and Emma. She also adores Teacher Cheryl. She likes the other teachers, Mel and Elyse, too. She goes straight for the playdough table almost every day, and plays in the sandbox during outside time.

She knows Ha-Motzi by heart and can bless the challah all by herself now.

She enjoyed the high holidays. We took her to Rosh Hashanah children's services and then when Scott and I were going to the adult Yom Kippur services she wanted to come too, so we took her to the children's service for Yom Kippur too.

She is active as ever, loves gymnastics still, but is afraid at swim class. She doesn't want her eyes to get wet. We bought her some goggles and that helped a little.

And as noted, she is in a bigtime Mommy phase.

Kessa update

Kessa walks! Not just "Teh! Teh!" painstaking steps, but fluid walking. Trying to run, sometimes, too.

She also climbs. A lot. At the park two days ago, she was climbing up the stairs, turning around on the platform, and going down the slide by herself feet first, then walking over to the stairs to do it all over again.

Kes has gotten really interested in music and dancing lately. Whenever we are in the kitchen or living room she makes it clear that she wants me to turn on a CD and dance with her!

Books are another new interest. She has suddenly taken to them with intensity. If she sees one, she grabs it and brings it to me, insisting that I read it to her - over and over again.

One thing that hasn't changed is her temperment. She is still bright sunshine with small tempests.

New words since last update:
Book "Bah"
Dolly "Dahdah"
Sister "Titta"
Toes "Toetoe"
Pow "Towwwww"
Cheerios "Ro Ro"
Rosie "Ro Ro"
Rody horse "Ro Ro"
Cow "Tow"
Dog "Dahdah"
Kitty "Didda"
Nursing "naynay" or "Duhdah" (still trying to figure that one out)
Chips "Tsih"
Yogurt "Gyogyo"
Drink "Dah"
Bagel "Gwob"
Spoon "Poo"
Shoe "Too"
Piggy "Gygy"
Step "Teh"
Walk "Kwah"
Dance "Da"
Egg "Ga"
Attack "Taaaa!"
Bear "Booboo"
Apple "Baba"
Banana "Nuh-Ba"
Orange "Rorah"
Belly button "Buhboo"
Nose "Nah"


Animal sounds:
Moo
Quack
Meow
Woof
Oink
Baa
Neigh

Poor Daddy

Elly - "Where's Mommy? Mommy's already up.
Scott - No, Mommy's not up. Why don't you come and cuddle Daddy?
Elly - Mommy's already up.
Daddy - No Mommy is not up. Come cuddle Daddy
Elly - No
Daddy - Why don't you want to cuddle Daddy?
Elly - Because I love Mommy
Daddy - You don't love Daddy?
Elly - No
Daddy - Well, I love you
Daddy - Why don't you love me?
Elly - I want to cuddle Mommy. I love Mommy. You keep my from Mommy. You keep me company and keep me from Mommy. I want to get up. Lets watch a video. You can keep me company and keep my from Mommy.

As evidenced by this latest exchange, Elly is in a Mommy phase. Which unfortunately leaves Daddy feeling like chopped liver. Poor Daddy.

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Whiles

"Mommy, can we eat the noodles while we wait for the tofu to cook for a couple whiles?"

Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Elly talk

"Mama, there are lots of customers in the store today."



Today I was wearing my "Mamaleh" shirt which is written in a font that is supposed to look like Hebrew. Elly started counting the letters, saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7! Seven gimmels!" I was floored. Then when we got to preschool Elly walked over to the alphabet poster and said, "Mama, look at all the gimmels!"

So when I talked to teacher Mel, I said, "Is gimmel the letter of the week?" and she said, "We don't have a letter of the week this week."

She must've just learned it from the Chanukah book about playing dreidel! Neat that she recognizes Hebrew - even Hebraicized Latin letters - and funny that she calls it all gimmel.

Mama Kes

Kes has always been such a lovey girl, but since turning one she has started showering her love not only on human beings but on stuffed animals. She has a favorite kitty that has become her sleeping lovey, and has even called out for it in the middle of the night (after calling out "Naynay!" and me making my appearance, she called, "Didda!")

The past few days, she has turned her affection to one of Elly's dolls. She picks it up and hugs it, saying "doydoy". Then today she started rocking while she was hugging it. It was so nurturing it brought tears to my eyes. (Then I remembered she IS a second-born Anderson girl and the nurturing temperment is just bound to happen... I guess I've gotten so used to her tantrums - also to be expected with a second-born Anderson girl, especially a redheaded one - that the nurturing was so touching.) Then she said, "Naynay!" And I said, "Oh, you want to nurse your dolly?" and she held it out to me for me to nurse it. I said, "How about Kessa do it?" and she looked confused but then cradled it in her arms in some semblance of a nursing hold and grinned at me.

That's my girl.

Friday, September 1, 2006

Step!

Kes took her first steps today! I missed it, too! Scott saw the first one. She took one step and then stopped and giggled hysterically. Fortunately for me, the second time she did it was an exact repeat of that! Then later in the day she did three steps in a row two different times! And she says, "Teh!" with each step. It's so cute.

*sniff* I guess this makes my baby an official toddler. *sniff*

Friday, August 25, 2006

Ready, set, go!

Today at lunch my mom was feeding Kes water from the bottom of the straw, and she would say, "Ready???" And Kes would yell, "TET!!!" and my mom would say, "go!" and put the water in her mouth.

She has been exceedingly cranky lately, a combination of lack of sleep from the illness of last week and teething. Boy is she teething. She wants tons of holding (which is pretty enjoyable actually) and one of her favorite words (since 2 weeks ago when she got sick) is "cuddle" - "duhduh, duhduh," all the time.

Part of the crankiness, though, is that she desperately wants to walk. She stands very well now, and walks with one finger, but can't take that step. She usually doesn't try and just sits down and crawls, but sometimes even that begins a tantrum with her whole body on the floor, face-down.

Yes, that redheaded temper has reached full-throttle. Doesn't take much for her to launch into a dive headfirst, either forward or backward, and wail over the injustice of it all. Because, you know, having her hand put through her pajama sleeve is pure torture. Giving her toothbrush back to me after her turn... completely unfair. Being put down so that Mommy can change her own clothes... heartbreaking.

Thankfully, her joy is just as exuberant. And her love too. "Cuddle. Mama."

Friday, August 11, 2006

Sick and tired... but cute!

Yesterday the kids woke up with fevers. Elly's went as high as 104.3 yesterday, and Kes's went up to 101.5. Today, Elly has been between 100-101.5 and Kes has been about 101-102. I have no fever but feel quite drained.

Man, they're cute, though. Kes has said "cuddle" (duhduh) more times in the past two days than she's said all her other words combined in the past week. And Elly has been using language so well to tell me about how she is feeling. She said, "my body feels hot." And when I dragged them to the grocery store this morning, Elly said about every man we walked past in the store, "I don't like that kind of man."

Then at home today I sent her to her room for kicking. A few minutes later I see her walking down the hallway with her eyes covered. Because, after all, if she can't see me, I can't see her.

Later she told me she drew a new picture for me. She showed me her magnadoodle and it was a picture of a face with two eyes, a big nose, and a straight mouth. I asked her to tell me about it, and she said, "It's a grumpy face who needs to blow his nose."

Kessa at one year - checkup

30 inches and 24 lbs
Wears 18-24 months (but squeezes into 12-18)
Stands alone, can go to standing from all fours
Walks holding on to things

Dr. Kerr says she is advanced verbally (surprise, surprise) and that we should make sure to be putting money in her college account.

Got her first IPV (polio) shot. Again, didn't cry over the 1 jab.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Kessa at one year - language

Signs:

all done
light
fan
up
no
waves hi/bye

Says:

Mama
Dada
Nana
hug
nigh-night
meow
woof
bang bang
pat
tickle tickle
more
brush
button
up
potty
cuddle
hi (on phone)
Grandma
Grandpa
water
do
did it

One year ago today...

I was cursing at the date. Cursing at my gargantuan belly. Cursing at anybody who couldn't help me meet my baby (pretty much everyone). And begging Kes to make her arrival as soon as she possibly could, although I didn't know she would be Kessa or even SHE yet. Because one year ago today was my due date with Kessa. And in 6 days my little baby girl is going to be one year old.

Sniff, sniff.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Heat

On Monday we went from Sac back home, and after an hour of being home, our power went out. It went out in 110 degree heat. I went to class, and by the time I came home at 8pm, it was 95 degrees INSIDE my house. Kes was miserably crying, drenched in her own sweat, as Scott unsuccessfully tried to calm her and get her to sleep. I decided to pile the girls in the car to take them back to the air conditioned sanctuary of 78 degree Grandma and Grandpa's house, so that Kes wouldn't dehydrate herself into oblivion during the evening. Elly was conked out in her bed, but when I woke her up to get her in the car, she proved to be dehydrating in her sleep, as her hair and body were so drenched in sweat I had the distinct sensation that I was removing her from a hot shower rather than from her not-so-comfortable bed.

As we were leaving, Kes cried from when I closed Elly's door til when I got in the car and started the engine, and Eliana broke down completely, wailing. I said, "Honey what's the matter?" She said, "I'm sad because Kes is sad!" I said, "Look, Kes is all better now!" And Elly stopped crying and put Blank on her nose.

Then she said, "the air conditioning is on in the car! Our car has power!"
Me: "Yes, because our car has its own battery, but our house does not have a battery, it needs the power grid and the power grid is broken."
Elly: "Does Grandma's house have batteries?"
Me: "No, but Grandma's house has a power grid that is not broken. Grandma's air conditioning works."
Elly: "Ahhhhhh."

Then I asked, "Is the air conditioning OK? Can you feel that?" And she said, "Yes, thank you! I'm not hot anymore!"

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Teethy day

It may have taken me until 8:30 pm to figure it out, but I figured it out.

She popped a tooth through, and two others are swollen nasty blisters waiting to pop through. Poor baby.

The thing is, she is so happy all the time. She wanted to be held a little more than usual today, but that was it. Nothing else. It wasn't until she woke up very quickly after going to bed and couldn't get back to sleep that I figured it out. And then it was only b/c she wasn't happy sucking her thumb. She kept sucking it and taking it out. Sometimes when that happens, she's got a food particle stuck to the roof of her mouth. So I stuck my finger in her mouth, and there it was. Tooth #9. I looked for any more and found instead two nasty blisters.

With tylenol and Hyland's on board, plus nursing two more times, she's finally comfortable enough to sleep.

Elly conversations

"Mama, the cars are driving fast, and I don't want them to hit us."
Me: "That's why Mommy follows the traffic rules to keep us safe. I drive in the right direction, I stop at red lights and go at green lights, and I watch where the other cars are so I don't bump into them."
Elly: "OK, be very careful. I don't want to donk the cars because then we will fell out and be on the street where all the cars are vrooming." (This conversation happened today, and is very representative of a current preoccupation with car safety, especially making sure that we are driving the same way the other cars are going and that cars on the other side of the street can't/won't cross into our side.)

Elly:"Is Daddy going to be home when we get home?"
Me: "No honey. I don't know if he'll be home before you go to bed tonight either."
Elly: (falling to pieces) "I want my Daddy!" (collects herself) "Mama, where is Daddy?"
Me: "Daddy's at work."
Elly: (falling to pieces) "I don't want him to be at work!" (collects herself) "Oh, sad Elly."

Monday, July 10, 2006

Bad mommy, sad Elly

I can't believe it, but I forgot Blank. Blank with a capital B, Green Blank, Elly's blankie. We went to Sac for one night, and Blank got left at home.

It was awful. This was the first time in nearly two years - since she glommed on to this one particular piece of microfleece, instead of any microfleece that could be pasted to her nose - that she spent a night without Blank. She cried and cried. She threw fits asking to go home. She said she'd just stay awake. Then I got us in the card and drove, and she finally fell asleep, two hours after bedtime.

The night went surprisingly well. She only woke up once and begrudgingly accepted Daddy as a substitute for Blank.

Poor kid. Sure taught Mommy a lesson. Don't forget the Blank.

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Turf wars

Elly gave up her naps at almost the exact time that Kes started crawling, which has made for an interesting development in their sibling relationship - turf wars. Nah, it's not really that bad. Overall they do OK sorting it out... well, I should say overall Elly does OK sorting it out, since Kes is too little to do any of the negotiation. But the only really bad moments have been when they are both overtired, and even then, by bad I mean that they are both crying. The vast majority of the time the entire exchange consists of one of them taking the toy away from the other, the hurt party raising a fuss, and then some sort of peacemaking.

Impressively, Elly does the peacemaking about half the time (usually when she's done the taking) and I only have to make suggestions to her (turn-taking, doing it together, using something different) about half the time (usually if Kes did the taking). What's fantastic is the lack of aggression in these interchanges. Elly wails if Kes takes something from her, or takes it right back, but doesn't push or hit her about it. And they have only been unable to reach a resolution twice (at which point I put the toy off-limits to both of them).

It's truly amazing how little rivalry they have so far. Even these exchanges are similar to how she'd react to any other crawling toy thief. They like to play together. Kes crawls after Elly when she leaves a room, and Elly often tells me to bring Kes with us if we are going in a different room, or says "Mama, I want my Kessa!" And both get upset if the other one is really crying (since birth Kes has been able to tell Elly's sad and pain cries from her tantrums). It's so fun to see. I know there will always be sibling conflicts, but I couldn't have asked for a better sister relationship for them so far.

More things to remember

Kes says "tickle-tickle" - tickohtickohtickoh, and on the "ti" her tongue sticks out. She says it whenever I tickle her, and sometimes she tickles me and says it, but my favorite is when I hear it from the backseat and I know she's tickling her own toes.

Me: Elly, can you touch the sky?
Elly: (reaching up) No.
Me: Can you touch the floor?
Elly: (touching floor) Yes!
Me: Can you touch your toes?
Elly: (touching toes) Yes!
Me: Can you touch Daddy?
Elly: (thinks about it) I can touch Daddy's body, but I can't touch his head, because him's too tall.

Kes is crawling full-speed (and loves to play chase) and can crawl up a step and has crawled down it, though occasionally she gets stuck in both directions. She can pull up to standing on pretty much anything now.

Last week I saw a glimpse of the beginning of the end of nursing. Kes refused the breast in favor of real food. I was heartened by the fact that she still wanted to nurse when she was done eating, but now I am just hoping that the decline from here is very, very slow going. I'm not ready to give this up anytime soon, and I hope she agrees with me, since she's in the driver's seat.

Eliana started preschool and gymnastics last week. She loved preschool - barely even kissed me goodbye, wouldn't look up from her playdough to let me get a good picture, didn't want to leave. Gymnastics went well too, despite a couple moments when she got scared about the task at hand and had near-freakouts, but she ended up loving it so much she cried when it was over. Today was her second day of preschool and it was a little rougher on her - the teacher called me and said she'd asked to go home a couple times, but that she was now playing happily and by the end of the day she hadn't asked again. She is just so big.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Quick check-in

As the infrequency of my posts would suggest, things are crazy busy! Brian's wedding is this Sunday. But, a couple of recent developments -

Kes crawls! A few days before her 10 month birthday she finally started moving forward. It took her a few days after that to figure out that she could not only go get a toy with her newfound skill, she could also follow Mommy into new rooms.

Elly is undergoing a vocabulary explosion, it seems. "Oh, sure" has become "Oh, certainly!"

Friday, June 2, 2006

To Remember

I always want to remember...

Elly asleep with her arms flopped to either side and the blankie covering her face, left there from having fallen asleep holding it to her nose.

Kessa extending her arms and with palms flat, fingers extended, when she wants something ("Use the Force, Kes!") accompanied by her vocal exhalation.

Elly's arm around my neck when I go in for her one-minute cuddles.

Kes's fingers playing with my hair while she flops on my shoulder, sucking her thumb.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Mastitis... again.

It was a fine day yesterday, woke up feeling good, got some things accomplished, and then...
12:30 "Gee, my breast kind of hurts."
1:30 "Yikes, my breast really hurts. I better express."
2:30 "Hmmm... is it possible to be hit by a mack truck without seeing it pass by?" Spiked a 102 fever, massive chills. I have not felt so bad since I had pneumonia.

I somehow kept the kids fed and relatively happy until Scott got home at 7. He then took over while I went to bed, except for when I woke up at 8 to nurse Kes at bedtime and at her first night feeding. The extra sleep helped a lot and today I just feel like I have regular mastitis rather than feeling like I've got one toe in the hospital door. It's Scott's birthday tomorrow, though, and I have a feeling I'm going to have to spoil him in a couple days instead of giving him an easy day tomorrow, because I'm not going to be able to do the laundry and childcare tomorrow if I want this to go away.

Last night I woke up to Kes licking my face. She must've scooted over to me without me noticing. After the shock wore off from something wet on my lips in the middle of the night, I realized she had her arm around my neck and her hand on my cheek and that she was licking me. She wasn't confusing my face for a breast, as this was a very protruded tongue, not a latch at all, though I have a feeling she was breast-seeking in the first place. I smiled when I figured out what I had, and she giggled, and we nursed back to sleep.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Thoughtful conversations

Me: Kes got burned today but Elly isn't a bit red. And Kes was even shaded.
Scott: Elly, did you get your daddy's skin?
Elly: No, I have MY skin. Do YOU have your skin, Daddy?


Elly: Mama, it's a prettyful day outside. Look, what's that? What's that lawn? It's beautiful.
Me: What's beautiful, honey?
Elly: That world out there is beautiful. All that world. It's a beautiful day, it's a sun day out my window. Mom, is it Sunday?


Me: Ow, I donked myself.
Elly: Oh, well I will make you feel better. (runs to get her blankie) There, here's blank. (I put blank on my nose) I will share it with you! (Elly puts blank on her nose.) There, Mama, are you feel better now?
Me: Yes I feel much better. My owie is going away.
Elly: I took good care of you. Awwwww.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Role playing

"Mama, I'm your doctor. I'm feeling your belly to see if it's OK. Your belly is sick. I have to wiggle it to make it better. Ok, it's all better. Now I have to feel your belly button to see if there is skin in there."
(Kes fusses)
Me: "Oh, doctor, my baby is hungry. Can you teach me how to feed a baby?"
Elly: "I know how to feed a baby. You nurse her like this!"
(makes cradling motion)

"I'm a baby. Play patty-cake with me."
(sits up)
"Now I'm a baby who can sit up all by myself."
(claps hands)
"Yay, yay, yay! I'm learning to talk. Mama. Mama! Now I'm learning to crawl."
(crawls around)
"I can use the exersaucer to stand up by myself. I'm scared I'm gonna fall! Boom!"
(lets go and falls on her rear)

Role playing helps her cooperate now, too. Today brushing her hair was painful due to some knots, and she was about to run away. I said, "Oh, baby kitty, mama kitty has to lick your fur to make you all clean and shiny. Come lay your head down in my lap so I can give you a kitty bath." And she totally cooperated to get her hair brushed and done!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

transitive

Elly: "I want to laugh Kes!" "I'm laughing Kes!" "Kes likes it when I laugh her!" Huh, and I always thought laugh was a reflexive verb.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Quick Kes update

Kes can push to sitting from her belly and can get around a room with relative deliberateness, though she is not cross-crawling quite yet. She plays peek-a-boo by hiding her face in my chest or a pillow and then looking at me with a big grin. Today Elly was behind me and Kes went from one side of my body to the other to play peek-a-boo with her. When she is interested in something she makes this strange grunt that is basically a quick exhale with a little vocal cord involvement... it reminds me of some animal but I can't remember what... it's accompanied by a look of concentration. Man I gotta get some video!

The Two and a Halfs

Today I was on the drug (well, homeopathy) aisle at Whole Foods and Elly was having behavioral difficulties, so I gave her a timeout on the floor. As she tried to scoot in the other direction on her butt without me noticing, a store employee asked me if she could help me find anything. I said, "Not unless you've got a pill for the two and a halfs." She laughed and said, "Man, I could use one of those too!"

So here's some gloriously two-and-a-half Elly, while it lasts (6 weeks to go):

"Twenty-one, twenty-three, twenty-thirteen..."

"Ohhhhh, happy Elly!!!"

"Mama, I'm Cinderella, and I'm sleepy. I'm going to go sleep in a big bed in Mama and Daddy's room with my blankie, and when I wake up, I'm going to watch a pretend Cinderella video."

"Mama, these green beans look like plants."

"Kessa wants to play with (x), and I want to play with (y)!" (y being whatever toy Kessa currently has, x being something Elly is going to substitute to try to avert a tantrum from Kes when she takes y away)

"Awwwww, that's sweeeeeet."

"You did it, Mama! That's a girl."

"Honey" is her term of endearment for, well... everybody. From Mom, Dad, and Kessa, to the girl playing next to her at the park ("Honey, what's your name?")

Sunday, May 7, 2006

Kessa at 9 months

The weigh-in: 21 lbs, 29.25 inches

Language: Mama, Dada, Nana, aaaaaaa (all done, accompanied by the sign), buh or ngayngay (bang bang), hhhhuuuh (hug), tatata (clap clap) and signs milk.

Physical: Desperately trying to crawl. Crawls very efficiently backwards. Claps with open palms (has clapped hand over hand since 6.5 months). Stands supported but doesn't pull to standing or cruise. Goes from sitting to belly but not vice versa. Fine motor seems more natural for her than gross motor (a future violinist?)

Food: Still doesn't do well with baby food or liquids delivered in any non-breast fashion. Eats finger foods: "teddy puffs", avocado, banana, hard-boiled egg yolk. Doesn't like pears, and may have an apple allergy.

Potty: EC'ing is going very well. As always, she prefers to go in the potty rather than her diaper and as such she holds it as best she can. She is improving her abilities to hold it and to let go when put on the potty. She still prefers the big-girl toilet seat but is not completely rejecting the little potty anymore.

Personality: This little girl has a huge personality!!! She's constantly laughing and talking. On the flip side, the redheaded temper is emerging. She throws a good fit when a toy is taken from her (usually by me if risky rather than by sister out of jealousy, Elly is so good - so far) or when her clothes are changed, especially if she is tired. She arches her back, throws herself backwards, and gets very red in the face, with a staccato cry. But, back to the cuteness... She loves to clap appropriately to "if you're happy and you know it" and she'll often take my hands and rock back and forth til I start to sing "Row your boat" and then laughs in glee that I understood and did what she wanted. She adores Eliana, and laughs at all her antics (which makes Elly laugh, and escalates the antics). When Elly is crying because she is hurt, Kes gets a worried look on her face and looks back and forth between Elly and me, whining. However, she sees right through her... when Elly is crying because she's throwing a fit, Kes just laughs. She's at the stage where peek-a-boo is funny, especially now that she figured out that she can pull the cover off her face or mine. It's especially funny if we play while nursing - she gets this giggle like, "duh, mom, you're obviously right there, I'm latched on." Kes, like Elly, loves everyone who is family, and is very happy whenever any of her family appears in the room. So far she is altogether loving and spirited, and a wonderful person to be around.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Dr. Davies appt

I made a checkup appt with Dr. Davies for Eliana (her ped GI from Sac who took care of her during the hospitalization) - I just wanted to see what she thought of what I was feeding her. The numbers we were getting back from the weight and height checks I was having done for her (at each of Kes's well visits and any sick visits) were OK, but I wanted to talk diet and make sure Dr. Davies was happy with how Elly looked, b/c she was looking skinny to me in the ribs despite hearty thighs. So, today was the appointment.

Not such good news. 38.5 inches and 29 lbs. Which is up half an inch and down half a pound since her last check. And her weight-for-height percentile is at the 7th. (To put that into perspective, at her last weigh-in before her hospitalization, she was in the 4th percentile, but when we left Dr. Davies' care last June, she was in the 25th.) So, I've got to readjust from semi-high-calorie diet to super-high-calorie diet. (The good news for Elly is that means more milkshakes... the bad news is it means a lot less fruit.) I'm going to be faxing in 5-day diet logs and weight and height measurements (taken by ME for accuracy and consistency) to Dr. Davies every 3-4 weeks after which she'll give me a call and we'll discuss the previous and upcoming few weeks.

This is frustrating to me b/c I've been doing the best I can to be on top of this, yet trying not to spend too much time worrying. I thought I was doing a good job by having her weight and height checked every time I stepped foot in the dr's office, but apparently it's not good enough. I think doing my own measurements every few weeks will be much more accurate. And the other thing that frustrates me is I so KNEW things weren't quite right, by the look of her ribcage, by her behavior, sleeping patterns, and the reappearance of certain aversions/sensitivities, but I just didn't want to believe it, or I didn't want to be paranoid, or I just figured I was being diligent enough. Ugh. I'll take paranoid. Or rather, I'll just introduce new behavior (the measuring and check-in schedule, and the return to super-calories) and be diligent and watchful, while clicking off the paranoia with the knowledge that I am doing my best (as strange as that may sound, it's very similar to my thoughts about many of my life choices such as vegetarianism, breastfeeding, nonmedical birth, etc).

But as always, Dr. Davies is wonderful. So matter-of-fact about it - here's where we are, and here's what we're gonna do to get where we need to get, no worries. Any other doctor, and I'd have walked out of there feeling many times worse than I felt. I trust her medical judgment, implicitly. (And on top of it, she is warm and caring - remembered us before she even saw us, and enjoyed meeting Kes.) I'm just so glad to have her guidance through this challenge.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Deep thoughts

I usually post here just to get memories on "paper" aka cyberspace, but this is largely for my kids, and they deserve more than a play-by-play of what they did as kids. They really deserve to know a little more about me as their mom when they were little. So some of the feelings I've been having, I'm going to pour out. This may make no literary sense.

I love them and they know I love them. Which is marvelous but they really can't know. I pray they have kids, just so they learn how much I love them, b/c otherwise they won't ever totally understand. I hope I remember to tell them how much I love them every day of their lives, even when they are fourteen and hate me as much as they love me. I hope I can rein in how much I love them when I need to for their own sake, so that they can experience life as they should.

Life for them... oh may their lives be full. Laughter and love primarily. A wide variety of experiences. Friends who hold them up when they need it, who push them to expand their ideas of themselves and the world, who trust them enough to lean on them, who love them like family. The confidence in themselves do do whatever they want - whether it means being a ski bum or a nuclear physicist, an artist, author, doctor or rabbi. May they find joy all joys, no matter how small, and may they only stress about the big problems. All life has to offer. Of course there will be pain - but I hope it will be timely and with love and support as salve.

They love each other, and I hope their relationship continues to grow. As adults, may they have trust, love, and friendship, and see each other as not only sisters but friends. The last time my grandma and her sister said goodbye they were 90 and 88, and though they were such different people by then than who they'd been during their prime, their love was palpable. I wish that kind of love for my two girls.

I love them so much I can never live up to what I want to offer them as their mother. I want to show them the perfect love that is inside me, that is so impossible to get through the trappings of life, of simple humanity. I wish I could always be as patient and loving as the raw love inside me, I wish I always had the right words to say, I wish I could divine what the perfect decisions would be to help them grow into happy, secure women. I wish I could protect them from excess pain while still encouraging them to take life by the horns and experience it to the fullest. I wish I could say "Mommy will always come back to you" without knowing that someday I won't be around anymore and having to pray that they'll be grandparents before I leave them. I wish that every now and then I could just make time stand still for a second or two. Not permanently, just long enough for the moment to soak into my memory, perfectly and completely.

Signing

I haven't really done a bunch of signing with Kes. A little here and there, just enough for her to get the idea that hands can make words. Elly made up most of her signs, so I just decided to let Kes lead the way as well.

And lead the way, she has...

"Milk" is one of the signs I've done for Kes... but as I said, here and there. Whereas, whenever we sit down to nurse, I feel my breasts to figure out which side I need to nurse on. And Kes, apparently, has interpreted that as the sign for milk, because that's what she does when she wants milk now:

She pats her chest.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Elly kitten

Elly loves to pretend to be a kitty. Often she gets a little too into it, and actually starts to lick her hand. We're working on the concept of pretend.

Tonight she wanted me to be the mama kitty and for her to be the baby kitty. So I pinned her down and pretended to lick her, explaining that's how mama kitties give their babies a bath. She giggled and giggled, then sat up, gave me a serious look, and said, "Mama kitty, are you hungry for some milk?" and lifted up her shirt. I wasn't going to get technical and explain that mama kitties give their babies the milk rather than the other way around - especially since I want to encourage any self-image of a nursing mama in my little girl - so I said, "Oh yes, thank you" and pretended to nurse. She was so proud of herself. She then said, "Mama kitty are you firsty now?" and held out her hand, saying "Here's some water."

Later on she reversed the role play - she said "Mama kitty, I'm hungry, I need some milk. Please I can nurse from you?" So I lifted my shirt and left my bra up - hoping she wouldn't want to imitate Kes and really try to nurse - and she pretended to nurse from my ribcage, then she said "There. My belly is full. Now I'm firsty. Are you please have some water for me?" So I held out my hand as she'd done for me earlier.

I love playing pretend with her. Watching her use her imagination while learning about the real world at the same time is so enthralling.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

The Zoo

I have such mixed feelings about the zoo. On the one hand, zoos are so important for preservation and for educating kids and adults about animals so that their emotions might get in the mix and make them care about the environment. On the other hand, seeing the animals in zoos makes me sad. Well, I do OK til we get to the great apes. The anthropologist in me loves to watch the lower primates - when the enclosure is an adequate size with appropriate apparati, they seem to be having fun, and I think they're probably happy overall. Even the gibbons seem to be OK. But get to the chimpanzees and the gorillas and they all look at you like, "Up yours. Stop looking at me. You think you'd like it if you were on display all day? I'd like to stick you in a cage with a broken car and a fuzzy black and white VHF TV with no remote. Leave me alone." I imagine they must be as miserable as we would be in their place.

I took the girls to the Oakland Zoo earlier today. They had a great time. Kes talked to everything and everyone, except for when she fell asleep cuddled up to my back. Elly seemed to be more interested in walking around than in the animals, but apparently was taking it all in anyway, since when I asked her what her favorite animals at the zoo were, she listed off a few that I thought she hadn't paid any attention to. After the zoo, we went to the rides area. She threw a fit after we got off the merry-go-round... exactly like she did after her first merry-go-round ride ever at the age of fifteen months. It was uncanny. We had to wait through three cycles to get on the train, but she waited very patiently and insisted it was worth waiting there instead of spending the tokens on more quickly accessible rides. And she enjoyed it, so I think it was worth it for her.

We went home, I kept Elly awake in the car by talking to her and then she couldn't fall asleep at home. Kes took a short nap in the car and couldn't get back to sleep at home either. So we went to the park, which now has the water play area open! Eliana had a blast! Kes was cranky, so I cut it short and came home. Tomorrow we have a morning playdate but if it's this gorgeous maybe we'll go back to the waterpark in the afternoon. Ahhhh, spring. Finally!

Sunday, April 9, 2006

Elly quotes

Elly: "Daddy, you're a good girl."
Scott: "I'm a boy."
Elly: "You're a good boy Daddy."

Elly: "Kes is getting big!"
Me: "Yep, she's a big baby now."
Elly: "Soon she'll be a baby Elinana."

Scott started singing the four questions, and sang the second verse. Elly interrupted him: "Daddy, that's not how it goes! It goes, "Ma nishtana, halailah hazeh mikol halailot, mikol halailot."

"Mama, be very patient. I'm getting ready to play plano and sing the abc's for you. I'm putting all my animals in a row so I can sing for them too."

Friday, April 7, 2006

I take it back.

After a month of dry nights, Elly peed overnight two nights in a row, so we're back in dipes. I almost wonder if the insecurity of undies is making her bladder touchier. Well, we'll see what happens tonight in her diaper.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Bye-bye, night dipes

Since Elly wakes up dry the vast majority of the time, we let her sleep in padded undies last night, and the first thing I heard out of her this morning was, "I need help!" at which point I went in her room and found her with her pants around her ankles having used her blue potty upon waking. *sniff* My big girl. The night before that she woke us up at 4am to get her diaper back on after pottying in the middle of the night.

Amazing.

On that note, Kes now refuses to use the baby bjorn little potty and only pees using a potty insert on the toilet. I can put her on the little potty with no luck, take her straight to the toilet and she lets it all out. (And is pottying like a champ on it - yesterday we had no wet dipes while at home, and so far today too.) But oh my, for an eight month old, she sure has discerning taste about where she does her business.

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

Daddy's work

"Is Daddy at work?" Yep.

"Is Daddy's work far away?" Yep, it's a long drive.

"Is Daddy's work this way, or this way, or this way?" (pointing) It's that way (pointing).

"Is Daddy come home now?" Nope, Daddy will be here tomorrow in the morning when the sun comes up.

"Is the sun up?"

That Nonna loves her Dad.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Eliana update

I don't even know what to say about this girl. We spend every day full of fantastic and challenging moments that sadly never stick around in my brain long enough to be written down on paper. She is fully and gloriously two and a half, that's for sure. And a lawyer already... sometimes she makes so much sense, it's scary. (Thankfully, I would make a good lawyer myself, so she doesn't get away with much.) She is in the push-me-pull-me phase - to such a degree that it's not that she wants one thing one minute and another the next... she wants two opposite things at the exact same time. Especially if it involves the dichotomy of dependence and independence.

She copies well - I have come to realize that what sounds like rudeness or backtalk is only the two year old's imitation of the way adults (myself included unfortunately) sometimes talk to her. I've taken it as a learning opportunity to change my speech to better reflect the respect I have for her as a human being, to cultivate her self esteem even when discipline is involved. The fact that a demand from her is easily reshaped into a polite request by the simple statement, "please try again," thankfully provides some assurance that my interactions with her and my guidance are generally (if not always) respectful and patient.

She has taken it upon herself to learn a few new skills recently - putting shoes, undies, and shorts on by herself, and pottying "wif pwivacy", meaning that she can now get to the real toilet by herself. She can also get undressed by herself, if motivated by a bath, and can get into the bath by herself as well, though she is too cold to want to get out by herself. All new skills are taken upon at her own will - should I suggest she try something new by herself, she may try, but after a few seconds she collapses in a heap of "I can't do it! Help help help!!!"

Definitely two years old.

Kessa update

Everyone tells you it goes so fast... well, they mean it.

Kes will be 8 months in less than a week. While physically robust, she's easy-going and happy in temperment, and loves her family. Giggles abound, especially when Eliana blesses her with interaction. Daddy is a sedative, and can induce sleep even when lacking in breastmilk or at inappropriate times. Mommy has the breasts, and as such, I retain an advantage over the others... though I would like to believe she favors me in a few other departments as well.

She is motivated to crawl and is trying to figure out exactly what needs to be done. Toys and Elly are her primary motivations, while cats - which prompted Elly's first adventures in crawling - are objects of fear and fascination: she cries when she sees one up close, but cries harder if I remove it from her view.

Teething is in full force. She has 3 teeth now - 2 middle lower and one upper, just left of center. I think her top four teeth are going to erupt in a row. Kes emphatically asserts that teething and sleep do not mix, except with the help of Hyland's and perhaps a touch of Tylenol. Mommy's presence helps, and nursing continuously would help more, but since I can't abide a ceaseless latch, the teething tablets will have to do. Still, it's fun to snuggle her as she falls asleep with a belly of 99% milk and 1% homeopathy, eyes slowly blinking as she drifts off, assured of my presence by her hand on my cheek or chest, and my drawn-up knees pressed to her feet.

She clearly understands many words, though the most important is, naturally, "milk". I say "Kessa want milk?" and if the answer is yes, she responds vigorously with any or all - smiles, giggles, flapping arms, kicking legs, a smacking tongue, or a sideways dive into position. Other important, obviously understood words are "Mama" "nigh-night" "sleepy" "sister" "clap" "blink" "more" and, thanks to EC'ing, "peepee". Once when I opened the door to get her out of the carseat, she looked right at me, giggled, and said, "Mama!" - which I'm counting as real, despite no repeat performance (yet).

It's flying by... but the part of me that swears I was just meeting her in that tub is being slowly overtaken by the part of me that swears there could never have been a time in my life that I didn't know this loving, determined, giggly babe.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Growing Pains

Literally.

Elly woke up crying hysterically last night, telling me her leg hurt. I carried her into the living room and looked at it - no bumps, bruises, rashes. She was so happy to get back to her bed, and fell asleep relatively quickly with cuddles. I looked around the net and found nothing besides growing pains that would explain it, thankfully. But, to hopefully prevent a repeat, as the web said this often happens for a few nights in a row, I gave her some tylenol before bed. I hope it keeps her pains at bay.

Man, being a kid is tough.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

playing catch-up

Wow... time truly flies. Here's a bit of what's been going on in the past month and a half.

We went to Tahoe with our Minnesota friends - our kids' first time in snow! Eliana loved it, though she got tired of it as soon as she got cold. Her favorite part was playing "splat" (snowball fight) with Daddy. Kes rode around on my front or back in my new baby trekker. Eliana adored our friends, and even glommed on to Teri in particular, always asking "Where's Miss Ter?"

Purim was shortly after that and we went to the Purim carnival at our synagogue. Elly really enjoyed it, especially one station that had a bunch of rubber ducks in a tub of water that she had to use a fish net to capture one. It was a hard concept that the next time we went to synagogue the carnival was gone. She had no trouble leaving it that day, but expected it would still be there the next time we went.

Then this past week was the Lamaze seminar - finally! It seems like I've been signed up to go to it for such a long time. It was a wonderful experience, really made me excited to get certified and start teaching. I agree wholeheartedly with the Lamaze philosophy and hope to be able to make a difference for some women, so they can avoid the disappointment and guilt that I and some of my friends have felt. I think even if they don't end up with the birth they imagine, the philosophy will help them cope better with it. On top of that, the other 7 women in the class are vibrant, amazing, wonderful people whom I feel lucky to have met and gotten to know, and the instructors are two incredible women as well.

The only downside was that it did affect Elly a bit. At first she was just mad at me - doing lots of push-me-pull-me when I was home in the evenings. Now she is clingy. I cuddled her for the entire hour it took her to go to sleep tonight, rather than just checking on her every 10 minutes as usual. Poor babe. I missed her too.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

6 month dr checkup

She's a big'un. 18 lbs 5 oz and 27 inches - 90th and 90th percentiles. Yowza!

Our pediatrician usually has a stuffed monkey on her stethoscope, and Elly noticed the monkey was missing, so she asked the dr - "Where'd the monk go?" The dr replied that the monkey got dirty and was in the washing machine to get clean. A few minutes later, Elly decided this was not enough information. "Where's the washer?"

The dr was apparently tickled by this, b/c I heard her telling a nurse about it in the hallway as we left.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Updates...

Kes can sit! For minutes at a time. And, the toes go in the mouth now. My little baby is not so little!

Elly continues to amaze with more and more expressions. Kes and I went into her room to wake her up today and she opened her eyes and said, "Peekaboo, Kessa woo." Yesterday she put softblocks in a row and told me, "I'm going to sleep in the colorful bed." My favorite word of hers is, "Prettyful."