Haircuts

I entered the living room the other day to find Eliana with my nail scissors in one hand and her brand-new doll in the other, saying, "my girl needs a haircut now", with hair from Kessa's brand-new doll already all over the floor. I sent her to her room (admittedly with a little more passion than was needed, though I did want to make an impression so she would no longer a) take things out of my drawer or b) cut her dollies' hair).

Wanting to see what damage had been done, I started searching the floor for Kes's doll, the one whose hair matched the hair scattered on the rug. Kes claimed she didn't know where it was, they hadn't been using it. "Sister not cut my girl's hair."

Then I started collecting the hair on the floor and thought, gosh my mom did a great job finding a doll with exactly the same color hair as Kes!

Oh. My. Gaw.

I asked, "Kes, did sister cut your hair?" "Yeah" said Kes. I asked her to let me see her head, and sure enough, in back, there is a piece about the girth of my pinky finger that is about 4 inches shorter than the rest of her hair. A few smaller chunks are gone too. Fortunately, Kes has such a wild head of hair that nobody notices.

I am just thankful they were only nail scissors.

Elly quotes

Half-stomping, half-flouncing down the hallway to her room, having been given a time-out, while in dress-up clothes:
"Princesses don't go to their rooms."

Upon having an argument over whether Kes needed to apologize for having misread Elly's intentions, which degraded into semantics:
"But it's Kessa's fault!"
"She just made a mistake."
"Fault means mistake! Fault means mistake in Jewish!"
(Later, upon my asking her to explain the meaning of the word "fault" to Scott: "Fault means mistake in Hebrew.")

During a discussion of personal safety and body boundaries:
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."
(YEAH!!! Way to set boundaries, Elly!!! But, how to have the discussion later without scaring her? Time to look into books...)

Ooh, speaking of books, Eliana is really reading! She can read "Biscuit" and a bunch of small early readers. Very simple words still, and many phonemes with letter combos are still being introduced (including th which is a toughie since she still can't actually say th and says f. it'll get there.) It makes me cry because it is just a miracle. This child slipped from my womb 4 years ago and now she reads. Watching her turn marks on a page into sounds, words, stories to enjoy... watching her pride in herself and her pleasure at my pride in her... it is amazing.

Eliana has had a big increase in wanting to be cuddled, hugged, kissed, and told she is loved lately. It is wonderful for me after over 1.5 years of being pretty standoffish from me. I guess she has adequately affirmed to herself that she is an individual and can now come back for affection and admit a desire for some dependence. I am enjoying it but am also having a hard time finding where to draw boundaries with discipline - our standard has been some time in her room, usually just to cool down, though sometimes as a time-out. Now the reaction is a heartbreaking cry with "but I want my mommy! I want a hug!" Also she is using it at bedtime to get attention from me without getting in trouble for being out of bed - she will come out of bed just to get a quick hug or even for me to blow a kiss at her down the hallway. On the one hand, I can tell she is testing me. On the other hand, I see it as indicative of a need for reassurance that I love her and want to be with her. I am trying to fulfill it during the day, but when it spills over into night, I do not think it is necessarily the right thing to deny affection. I don't believe in limiting the hours during which I will parent lovingly.

I can remember being even 9 years old and coming out to my parents when my braces had been tightened and were hurting me. I remember knowing they couldn't fix it but just wanting to connect with them to take a bit of love back with me to my room while I tried to fall asleep through the pain. Usually, I got that, though sometimes my mother was frustrated that I was out of bed. I try to carry my childhood memories into my parenting - remember why I acted as I did, what I really needed, what responses were helpful. I try to remember that there are always needs behind behavior. Lately Eliana has been unpleasantly demanding and contentious quite often and it has been hard to focus on underlying needs, or to begin to fathom exactly what is driving this behavior, but I am starting to have some ideas. At the very least, I can focus on continuing to be a positive model for her and reflecting her inner value, by staying patient, positive, and keeping at the surface the unconditional love that is always within.

Kessa-speak

Kesenia is getting so expressive!

Earlier today:

Kes: "Mama, you want to go on the bouncy ball?"
Me: "No, honey, I'm too big for it."
Kes: "But Mama, when you all done with being big, when you not a grown-up anymore, then you go on the bouncy ball? When you get teeny tiny? When you a kildren again?"

Tonight:

"Mommy, what a nice, beautiful, purple purple sweater you have!"

Yesterday:

Kes: "Now it's not weddy anymore."
Me: "What's not ready anymore?"
Kes: "No, it's not WEDDY anymore!"
Me: "It's not windy anymore?"
Kes: "No, it's not WED. DY. An. Y. More!
Elly: "Wedgie?"
Kes: "Yeah! It's not weddy anymore!"


I remember Elly at this age used to say "prettiful". I'm quite amused that Kes has also adopted a second term for beautiful - "cutiful."

More "g"-ness

Jamba Juice = gamba goose
Pumpkin odwalla drink = punkin goose
Jakey = Gakey
jungle = gungo

And, reminiscent of Elly's -ing phase, Kes says, "Mommy, I madding." "Dat girl a madding at 'er sister."

The cutest children on the earth

Getting out of the bath yesterday:

Elly: "Mommy, I'm freezing."
Kes: "I freezing too. We're a mos' freezing kildren onna erf."

I couldn't help myself, I joined in: "You're the most wonderful childen on the earth! The most special children on the earth! And I love you more than anyone else on the earth!!!"

They giggled and giggled about that. Then Kes said seriously again, "And a mos' freezing onna erf."


Other recent cuteness:

I was "eating" Kessa's belly, and she said, "Ow." (This is her comment about anything she does not want done to her body, whether it hurts or not.) I stopped and said, "I'm sorry, I won't eat your belly anymore." She said, "Mommy... be ghentle please."

This is also her refrain if I tell her she's hurting my head when she plays with my hair... "OK, Mommy, I'll be ghentle."

I love the "g" sound in place of "j". She likes to "gumpy" on her bed too.


On a recent morning, Elly woke up and ran into our bedroom where I was in bed and Scott was getting ready for work. She said, "Daddy, I had a really bad dream last night, but I woke up, and I looked around, and there was nothing scary in my room, so I just went back to sleep until the sun came up!"

kiss and make up

Today the girls got in a fight over the pedal tricycle. Elly's screaming "I had it first! I had it first!" And I asked Kes if Elly had it first and she said yes, so I told her to go get the foot tricycle. Kes immediately stopped pulling on Elly's tricycle and her face toned down from bright red to its normal color and she started patting Elly on the back, saying in the most soothing tone, "It's OK sister, here you go. Here you go, sister." Elly was still crying but not yelling anymore. Kessa: "It's OK, here you go, sister. Sister? Take a deep bweth." And Elly did, and said, "OK, thank you Kessa!" and they immediately started playing together on the two tricycles, giggling hysterically.

Legoland

The day after the beach, we took the kids on their first trip to Legoland! It was (while a bit overpriced) a great day for the kids. Kes actually enjoyed the rides! The last time we took her to any kind of amusement park she was terrified. This time, she wanted to go on everything and was sorely disappointed when a ride required a height above hers. Eliana had a marvelous time, especially watching Daddy get soaked on a boat ride. The girls' favorite ride was a gentle boat cruise through different fairy tales, and a helicopter ride. But, the pictures tell the story best.

La Jolla Beach

We recently went on vacation - the first night, we arrived in La Jolla. We tried to go to the Birch Aquarium near UCSD but it was closing shortly so we decided to go to the beach. We found a great parking spot and decided to just load the kids out of the van in their clothes and no shoes and head to the beach without swimsuits or anything. Elly proclaimed, "I just want to play in the sand, not the ocean!" And Kes said, "Yeah, no othean!" (Fools we were to believe them.)

First, they did play in the sand. It was such fine, soft sand, that I even convinced Scott to take off his sandals pretty easily. They built sand castles, ran and jumped, chased each other and us, and Elly even made "sand angels". After a while, though, I said, "You know, we should at least get our feet wet while we're here," and somehow managed to get both kids to take my hands and the three of us took off running for the waves. (So, I suppose I started it.)

When we got to the waves, I realized that the grade was so subtle, if we went in an extra twenty feet, we'd only be an inch deeper. More importantly, we could stand in one spot and have every wave reach our feet and none go high enough to threaten to knock over one of my girls. The variability in waves in one place was only an inch or two, due to the gentle slope. Kes, for the first time, was unafraid as she got her feet wet. Before long, she was having a great time, jumping up and down in the waves. And shortly after that, I realized I could actually let go of them and there was no danger whatsoever of them being swept off to sea.

So, I did. For the first time ever, I let them play on the beach, in the waves, without holding my hand. Games of chase ensued. Elly and Kes made mud pies in the wet, fine sand and watched the waves slowly wash them away. They found seashells, seaweed, and rocks polished smooth by the waves. What I can't even try to capture here is the pure glee. They were gradually getting more and more soaked by seawater and covered in sand, and seemingly in tandem with their drenching did their laughter increase. Really, the only appropriate word for what was going on here is "cavorting".

And as for me... I had more fun than I'd had in years! I laughed as hard as they did and harder than I ever have as an adult. Part of me wishes we'd had our video, or at least our still camera with us, but another part of me is happy to lock it away in my memory, pure and magical and completely unique.

Overheard from the next room:

As the girls are playing trains ("cloo cloo clayens")...
Elly: "Kes, you live in Sacramento, and I live in California, right?"

Readers and spellers...

First, the funny: Kes is trying to read. She points to words and says, "I know dat word. Mommy, what's dat word?" Then in books where there are labeled pictures, she'll point to the word, knowing that it says what the picture is, and say... "t' - t' - t' -
tiger!" And she'd have you fooled for a moment. You'd say, "Yes Kes, good job! T says t' for tiger!" But moments later, all illusions would be shattered.

"t' t' t' parrot!!!"
"t' t' t' penguin!!!"
"t' t' t' fox!!!"
"t' t' t' seal!!!"

She is SO proud of herself.

So today in the car, Kes said, "Mommy, I sthitting neck to Eliana!" And Eliana said, "t' t' t' Eliana!" And laughed hysterically. Then Kes said, "t' t' t' Eliana!" and "t' t' t' Kessa!" And they were both giggling and giggling - Elly because she knew it was silly and Kes because she thought she was so cool.

Eliana is really starting to grasp reading and spelling. Her sight words have increased exponentially. Now she can read

zoo
too
moo
in
on
at
he
he's
he'll
no
yes
I
me
snow
not
dog
go
up
Mom
Dad

and she has decoded
cat
hat
stop
Kes

She walked up to me the other day with a magnadoodle with cAT written on it and said, "Look Mommy, I wrote cat!" She has spelled out loud "stop" and "Kes" for me. She also looked at the word "of" and said "oaf" which is pretty good decoding.

I am not pushing at all. When she wants to help me read, I let her help. I ask her "do you want to learn a new word today?" when I know there is a sight word repeated in a book, and if she says yes, great, if not, no worries (this is how she learned most of her sight words). I sometimes get her to tell me things by being silly - saying the wrong word. We've been practicing some of the letters in her name. She can write ELLY all by herself now, but she is interested in writing ELIANA so we are practicing I's, A's, and N's. I think she's got I's and A's down (especially if she wrote cAT - we've never even tried a T, but as we write I's I always say "a line down, then a line across at the top like a T" so apparently she picked it up. After she's good at N's we'll work on spelling it. I'm sure she'll pick it up fast.

She's doing so great. And Kes is picking it up along the way, listening in on us. She can already read "KES" and tell me without looking that Kessa starts with K.

This is fun. The best part of parenting is watching the miracle of these small things changing in small ways, daily, and watching those small changes add up into growing up. I can't believe how big and capable they both are, having started nearly helpless and completely dependent. Truly amazing.

Rosh Hashana

Eliana was very excited to go to children's services today, and she did very well. (Last year, she just wanted to run up and down the aisles, and we spent the whole time trying to keep her contained in her seat (or Daddy's seat), and Kes just wanted to nurse.) This year, Kes enjoyed the songs and chanting and cuddled Mommy and her hair. Elly sat quietly, and tried to sing what she could pick up. She said, "Hey, that's the rabbi from Shabbat!" She asked Scott for a book of songs so she could sing along, and then sat quietly looking at it, whenever the rabbi was speaking, or prayers were being chanted. Some teenagers do a skit every year under the tutelage of Sharon C. (not our close friend, but another one), and all children are invited up close to the bimah to watch. Eliana took Kessa by the hand and led her up to where the other children were. They sat quietly together and watched the skit with rapt attention! After the skit is the shofar service and when Elly saw the shofars come out, she got up, took Kes by the hand, and with a worried look, started leading her back toward us, looking around for us. Scott picked her up, and I held Kes, but they ended up loving it. Elly had a look of wonder on her face with a slight smile.

When we got out of services, I asked whether she wanted to stay and play with the other children or go home to see Grandma, and she voted for Grandma. As we got into the car, she said, "But Mommy, I want a shofar." I told her that we could get out and she could try blowing one, but she said, "No Mommy, I mean I want to have a shofar that I can take to our home." I told her she could have a shofar when she was 13. She said, "Hmmm, how about when I'm five." I said I'd think about it. On the way home, I asked if she liked the services and she said "Yes. My favorite was the shofar."

When we got home, she reported the whole series of events to my mom: "And then I told Mommy I wanted a shofar and Mommy said when I'm thirteen but I said when I'm five but Mommy said maybe." Later, Scott's parents called and she got on the phone and said (but separately): "Shanah Tovah, Bubbe! Happy new year! I heard the shofar."

She was just so big this year. It's amazing how much they change and you don't notice, til something marked in time such as this points it out. This year's holiday was such a different experience than only a year ago.

Sister

Upon waking this morning and finding that Elly was up and helping Daddy get ready for work, Kes said, "Titter! Goo morning titter! Titter! I mith you!"

Kesenia's 2 year checkup

Height: 33.75" (50th percentile)
Weight: 26.5 lbs (50th percentile)

Kes checked out great. I asked Dr. Kerr about the heartbeat, and she said it's normal to be able to see her heartbeat through her chest every once in a while. She asked Kes how old she is, and Kes smiled at her coyly and said, quietly, "Teeuuuwwww." Kes was a little nervous, but when Dr. Kerr got out the stethescope she relaxed and smiled as Dr. Kerr listened to her chest and back (all that playing doctor with sister paid off).

Then when the nurse (different nurse) came in with the shots, Kes got really worried. She tried to stand up on me and play with my hair... she resisted turning around and sitting on my lap. Then the nurse wiped her legs with alcohol and that helped her relax (maybe she thought - wrongly - gee, this isn't so bad after all). She didn't cry with the shots (Hep A and Prevnar - yeah! for being DONE with Prevnar with only 2 doses) but she clearly did not like them. She seemed to be restraining herself - less from crying, more from pitching a tantrum at the nurse. Then the bandaids for the jabs went on her legs and she was pacified. She said, "Oh! Thank you." The nurse laughed and said, "You're welcome! Wow, I don't get thanked very often after giving shots. I'll have to keep you in my mind, Kes. What a sweetie."

Eliana's 4 year old checkup

Weight: 35 lbs (50th percentile)
Height: 40.75" (50th percentile)
Hearing check: passed
Vision check: passed, with great gusto.

Eliana enjoyed the vision check. She thought the "E's that point different ways" were "bery cool" and had fun telling the nurse whether they pointed to the "bird, rabbit, girl, or batter." (The batter was a little boy with a baseball bat. I think most kids probably just call him "the boy" but Elly had to be more exact.)

When we saw the doctor, Eliana proudly followed directions exactly and promptly. (She was showing off for the doctor how big she was.) Dr. Kerr and I discussed shots and decided to have her get DTaP and IPV this year so that she would only get two shots next year.

After Dr. Kerr left, while we were waiting for the nurse to come do the vax'ing, I explained to Elly that she was going to have two shots and that they were going to hurt, but that the pain would go away. I asked her if she wanted to sit on my lap. She said, "No, Mommy. I'm big now, so I can handle it. I can handle sitting next to you instead." I explained that the shots would go in her arm or her bottom or her leg. She said, "Well, I want them in my arm."

The nurse came in and asked Elly to come up and sit on the examining table. She did, and held out her arm, but then withdrew it and said, "But wait! I want to sit next to my Mommy." So I joined her on the examining table. She held out her arm again. The nurse wiped it with alcohol and then said, "I think we'd better do her leg, there isn't much muscle here." The nurse wiped her thigh with alcohol and Elly said, "Whatcha doin' with that?" The nurse explained that it would clean it so no germs went in her leg with the shot, then told her to look away. I told Elly "OK, it's coming now" and after the jab, Elly took a deep breath in through her nose, held it for a second, and then breathed out fast. I told her when the second shot was coming, too, and she didn't react at all to it. The nurse and I complimented her on a great job and she beamed and said, "yeah, that's because I'm big now."

Kes sat in a corner and read the whole time, stopping only to ask if I could read to her, and going back to the book herself when I said I had to talk to the doctor.

Hairbrushing

This morning as I was brushing Elly's hair, she suddenly exclaimed, "Ow!!! Mommy, you're brushing my brain!"

Really.

"Wookit dis, Titter. It widdy, widdy, widdy, widdy, WIDDY cary. It a widdy widdy widdy cary book. I get anodder book. It too cary. How bout dis one?"

Strong

"Wookit dis, Mommy! I'm widdy widdy cwong. I *fo* cwong!"

Translation: "Look at this, Mommy! I'm really really strong. I'm *so* strong!"

At other times - "I a cwong giwl. Wookit me!"

Baby monkey

Kes was playing with her baby monkey this morning and asked where the Mommy monkey was. I said it was in our car, and Kes asked, "Mommy, a goo a car and get a mommy monkey?" I said not right now, as we were all still cuddled in bed. Elly then says, "Ooo! Ooo! Ma! Ma! Ooo ooo ma ma! Listen, the baby monkey misses his Mommy!"

Priorities

"Mommy, I want Daddy to get another house."

Me: "Oh. Should he get another house that we can all live in, or should we keep living in this one and Daddy moves out to his own house?"

Elly: "Daddy should have his own house and not live here anymore."

Me: "Why?"

Elly: "Because I want a kitty to live with us. A real kitty. A kitty like Daddy can't have."

Dear Elly

Today, you fell asleep in the middle of the living room in the middle of the afternoon. I thought, "Gee, she must need it," and tried to get some rest of my own while you slept. After a while, though, I started thinking you would have a hard time falling asleep tonight and I went over and picked you up to wake you up. Your eyes didn't even open, and you were limp in my arms. I lay down on the couch to cuddle you.

Your head rested on my chest, your ear over my heart. It reminded me of how, when you were a baby, you slept better close to me, listening to my heart. How it was as close as we could get, with you outside my body, as we had been when you were in my womb. We spent many naptimes just like that. I found myself wishing you could shrink down to that 8 lb 9 oz butterball, just for a few seconds, so I could relive that closeness between newborn you and me, and then grow right back into the marvelous four year old you have become.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I felt the loss of baby you, and that relationship that can never be recaptured of utter connectedness, dependence, and trust. But even more, they were tears of joy, as I reveled in the amazing girl I saw before me, so proud of you for breaking out of that relationship into the one we have now, the one where each day you gain more independence from me, and we both learn more about the person you are. You daily chart new territory into the outside world and into your inner being.

And I cried more, knowing how precious these moments are, knowing in a year I will wonder where my four-year-old Elly went and what was she really like? The few wonderful memories I hold on to surely don't capture the parts of you that change so fast. But I tried to lock a picture of you in my mind anyway, studying your face: The length and shape of your eyelashes, your hairline, the rhythmic quiver of your lips and chin as you sporadically sucked your tongue (thinking, "She did inherit something from me"), your peach fuzz, your collarbone and the new freckle right below it.

Of course you are always you. I look back at videos of your infancy and I see you, as you are now, inside the effortful movements and babytalk. It reassures me that when you are an adult you will not be a stranger. You will just be you. And I will love you as much as I do now, as much as I have since the day you were born.

Thank you for the nap-cuddle today, my dear sweet four year old Eliana.

Love,
Mom

Jelly Beans

Today, as Elly napped on the living room floor and I tried to rest on the couch, Kes told me she was going to go play with Legos. I closed my eyes to rest and kept my ears open enough to know she was in the room and not going to get into trouble somewhere. I heard some very quiet noises, and wondered what she was playing with, because it didn't sound like Legos, but I was sure it was nothing to worry about and kept trying to rest.

A few minutes later, Kessa climbed up on the couch with me. I heard her chewing and asked, "What are you eating, Kes?" I smelled them, just as she answered me sheepishly, "Geddy Beans." I laughed. "Oh, did you find some Jelly Beans?" I'd forgotten that Elly and I hadn't finished them while Kes was napping earlier.

Kes cuddled me a few minutes, and then got down. I heard the whispery noise of the jelly beans again. It was clear that she was being as careful as she could, trying to be sneaky so that I wouldn't figure out what she was doing and say no. Then I felt her lean against the couch and I opened my eyes just in time to see her stop chewing. I could tell her mouth was still full of jelly beans, though - again, being sneaky! She did not want Mommy to know what she was doing.

So I closed my eyes again, and she got down. I peeked at her through my eyelashes and saw her go over to the jelly beans. She looked up at me - I shut my eyes for a moment to make sure she was convinced I wasn't looking - then leaned over and fished a jelly bean out. She held it tightly in her fist and looked up at me again. Sure it was safe, she turned around and popped it in her mouth.

I was trying so hard not to laugh and betray my (half) shut eyes. She was simply charming. On the other hand, I'm in trouble if she's already understanding a) when she should be sneaky and b) how to be sneaky, all at the tender age of just-turned two. But it was darn cute. Geddy beans.

Deal.

(overheard from the next room) Elly: "Well, we can't find the other train, Kessa. I guess we're just gonna have to DEAL with it."

Worst. Mommy. Ever.

We had a frazzly shopping experience today, and left quickly. Kes climbed into the car on her side and Elly climbed after her, or so I thought. I popped the bags into the front passenger seat, and closed the door, expecting to go help Kes buckle up while Elly buckles up. Instead, there was Elly, still on the ground, now screaming: "Mommy! My hand! My hand is stuck!" I looked down and there it was, in the very very closed front passenger door. I open the door while she's screaming "Get it out! Get it out!" and pick her up and cradle her while she's still screaming "I want my blankie! My finger hurts! I need a bandaid! Is it bleeding? I want my blankie now!"

And, just in case I wasn't already feeling about as guilty as a mother can feel (which is tremendous), she then looks me in the eye with her tears streaming down and says:

"Mommy! You should have said, 'Please move your hand out of the way!'"

Which made me burst into tears and wiping away her tears I kept saying, "Oh honey I didn't know your hand was there. I would never do that on purpose. I am so sorry. I would absolutely have said to please move your hand if I had seen it there, or I would have waited." And she never said anything back to me.

Later, though, we were talking about it and I said I was sorry again, and she said, "It doesn't hurt anymore, Mommy, you don't have to be sorry."

I hope this is like when I shut the door on my mom when I was 10. She doesn't remember the incident, but I do because of the guilt. I hope Eliana doesn't remember... but I know I will never forget. My poor sweet baby.

Y's

"Mommy, I can't write my Y's bery awesomely yet."

Cuties

I put a new shirt on Kessa - a hand-me-down outfit from Elly that she never wore because although it said 3T, it gave her a plumber's crack. (Well, it fits Kessa perfectly, and she's still mostly fitting 24 m and some 2T's, so maybe it was mislabeled?) Anyway, it has flamingos on the shirt. Kes looked down, pointed to them and said, "Wook! A have othtritthes on it." (They do kind of look like pink ostriches. I'll have to contact Carter's about their sizing AND their artwork.)

As I was getting Kes dressed, Elly was begging me to put a new CD on for her (Disney ain't good enough). So I gave her a few options and she picked Help! I said, "Elly, do you know who sings this?" Elly: "Mommy does!"

The Mouse Place

Last night was Elly's preschool friend Molly's 4th birthday party... at Chuck E Cheese. Somehow I made it through 4 years of parenting without taking my kids there. Now I wonder why I thought it would be so bad. We all had a great time.

At first I went around with the kids and they. were. so. cute! Kes was doing her little swagger-march (picture marching knees with a swagger in the shoulders) all over the place, and really enjoyed playing with Cassandra (a friend from Tot Shabbat, whom she'll go to preschool with for 2 years). Eliana adored the rides and going through the tunnels.

After dinner, I stayed to socialize with the other preschool mamas and let the kids go play. (I love the security at the door.) I gave Elly one token to go on a ride and tell her to find Kessa and she'd get her next token when she came back to tell me where Kessa was. She loved this system. She felt very important that she was reporting on Kes. And, since I'd never given her a bunch of tokens, she thought it was pretty cool that she got to choose her rides and use her tokens all by herself. And it worked for me, since while I thought the security at the door was great, I still wanted to be able to know how they were doing every few minutes, and now I didn't have to get up.

All in all it was a great evening and we will be going back sometime in the future, with less trepidation on my part.

Rollerskates

Kessa: "Mommy, wow! Wookit! A wowwerskate a fit me! A wowwerskate fun!"

(Followed by Elly: "Mommy! Kes is using my rollerskates!")

Poor Daddy

Bedtime tonight: "Daddy, go work. Mommy go nighnight."

Out of the mouths of babes

I caught Elly staring at my breasts while I was changing this morning. I said, "what are you noticing about my breasts?"
Elly: "Oh. They're so funky."
Me: "What's funky about them?"
Elly: "Just how they wiggle. Can you do that again?"

Kes, today, on the real phone but not connected to anyone, walking aimlessly around the house: "Ello? Hi Glamma! How a you? Fine. Yeah. I playing a titter. Uh-huh. Wow! A goo bye-bye a Mommy. A park." This went on so long that I started to wonder whether she'd somehow managed to redial my mother!

The girls have been playing together a ton lately. They spent two whole days off playing, all over the house, with very few fights and lots of giggling. Their cooperation impresses me. Elly often figures out a way to include Kes in what she is doing so that they are both satisfied with their roles.

Meep, meep, meep (the night-night song)

Last night, as I'm watching TV at my parents' house, (Marion on Diagnosis X, to be exact) Eliana pads out into the living room.

"Mommy, there's something happening in my room!"

"Oh? What's happening?"

"Something's making a sound. It's going meep meep meep meep meep."

"Oh, did it stop or is it still going?"

"It didn't stop, it's still going."

So we head back to her room, and I'm figuring I'm going to be turning off an alarm clock. But as we get into her room, I hear no electronic noises. No noises coming from inside her room at all. But then I hear it.

"Oh, honey, that's a cricket."

Elly's eyes widen and she looks around the room.

"Get in bed please. It's not in the room, it's outside your window, and when it goes meep meep meep, it's just singing you a night-night song."

"Awwwwww. That's so nice."

silly songs

"Z... A... carton... cereal!" (hysterical laughter, then, quietly:) "That was a silly song."

Recent stories

A few days ago I had the kids at the park. Kes was at the top of the slide, and I said, "Do you want to go down the slide on your bottom or on your belly?" She said, "Ummmmm, on tuchis."

Last night, Eliana went to sleep with her new blue croc-style shoes on. She woke up to potty, went back to sleep, still had the shoes on. Woke me up this morning, whispering, "Mommy. I sleeped in my new shoes that grandma got me all night long and they're still on my feet!"

Today we were driving somewhere and Kes said, "Wookit! A daddy car! A daddy car! Dat Daddy in 'at car?" I said, "no, it's just a car that looks like Daddy's. Daddy's at work." Kes said, "Yeah, Daddy at work. I yuv Daddy. And titter yuv Daddy too. And Mommy yuv Daddy too. And I too!"

We recently got a minivan, and discovered that in addition to all the other seating, there is actually space between the two carseats for an adult to sit between the kids. Ever since the first time someone sat there, every time I click Kes into her seat, she says, "Mommy sit in a mindle." I say, "I can't sit in the middle, I have to drive the car." "OK, Mommy drive. Glamma sit in a mindle?" "No, Grandma's not here." "Um... a Daddy sit in a mindle?" "No, Daddy's at work." "Oh, um, a Mommy sit in a mindle?" "No, remember, Mommy has to drive the car." "OK, Mommy drive."

Elly can lock and unlock her passenger door with her foot, while stuck in her carseat. She gets a big kick out of this, so I let her be the one to unlock the door when I come to get her out of her seat, instead of using my key fob. One day, however, she was locking and unlocking it over and over again while I collected my things and got Kes out, and I said exasperatedly, "Elly, why are you locking and unlocking it so much?" She said, (brightly and proudly) "Because I CAN!"

We went to LA a week before Kate's scheduled cesarean. The first time Elly saw Kate's belly, she said, "Look! Your belly got even bigger!" But every day after that, when we arrived at Kate and Brian's, Elly said, "But WHY are the babies still in your belly? I want them to come out now. I want to hold them."

When Rowan and Meriden were born and we visited them in their hospital room, Rowan was having a diaper change, and Elly was watching. Someone asked no one in particular, "Which one is having the diaper change now?" and Elly said, "the girl." I said, "No, honey, that's the boy. Look closer, see?" And she said, "Oh, yeah, it's the boy." A couple days later, Elly commented on how big Kes was getting now that she could click herself into her carseat. I said, "Yeah, she's not a teeny tiny baby anymore. Not like Rowan and Meriden." Elly said, "Yeah, they're so tiny. And remember how his penis was so teeny tiny?" (We won't tell Rowan this story when he is older.)

When the babies were one day old, Eliana got to hold them. It was amazing. She was so sweet, so loving, and the most adorable things were coming out of her mouth. "I'm good of holding babies." "Awww, she likes it when I hold her." "Awww, she has a little nose." "Awwww, he's so soft. He likes it when I kiss his forehead. He likes it when I rub him with my cheek." "I'm gentle at holding babies."

At one point, my mom said, "I haven't had a chance to hold a baby yet today. Can I have a turn?" Eliana said, "Well..." (looking around the room) "Uncle Tim has the other baby. Uncle Tim, can you please give my grandma that baby now? And I'll keep holding this baby, but my grandma needs a turn." Tim couldn't resist a request that cute.

After about 15 minutes, Elly got tired of holding Meriden and said, "I'm done holding this baby now. Can someone take her now please?" And about as soon as she was passed to the next person, Elly then said, "Now can I hold the other baby?"

Kessa quotes

My big 21 month old is talking up a storm:

"I (w)ant hug pinkers." (Me: "We can't hug sprinklers." Kes: "Why?")

Current name for self: "Ketha."
(Along those lines, "Mm-hmm" has turned into "Yyyyeth.")
Current name for Eliana: "Titter." or, "Anyana."
Current name for me: "Mami."
Current name for Scott: "Daddeeeee."
Current name for my mom: "Gammaw."
Current name for my dad: "Gwampa."
Pronounces "Bubbe" and "Papa" perfectly.

Kes has become very attached to her pink blanket ("bankie"). This is the blanket which my aunts and uncle gave to me for Elly's baby shower, that Elly never attached to. It was the last blanket that my Grandma Linda knit before she died - in fact, she didn't finish it. (A friend of the family did.) I'm thrilled that Kes loves it. Carolyn says that Kes (red hair and all) is my gift from Grandma Linda. It's a good theory.

Ice cream dropped from her spoon to the chair between her legs. She says, "Uh-oh, Mama. Fell on da tair."
Commonly, her reaction is, "uh-oh, I (s)pill(ed).

When Kes is excited, she goes, "Oh! Oh! Oh! (insert what she's excited about here)!" Like:
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Daddy!"
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Ie cweam!"
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Kward!" (that's "backyard" to the uninitiated)
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Zoo!"
The list goes on and on.

Sassy Elly

Elly's latest bit of sass:

Last Friday we were having our usual morning cuddle. Elly was starting to get restless and was blowing air through her lips, "Puh, puh." I said, "Elly, that's getting little bits of spit on me, stop please." She said, "No, mommy, I'm not spitting." Me: "I know you aren't trying to spit on me, but what you're doing is getting a bit of spit on me. Stop, please." Elly: "No, Mommy, that's not spitting. THIS is spitting." Ptui!

a tear

Kes and Mommy cuddling in bed in the morning, Elly asleep. Elly wakes up and runs into the room and says, "Hi Kessa!" Kes says, "Hi Titter!" Elly gives Kes a big hug and says, "I love you Kessa!" Kes says, "Awwwwww." Elly looks at Mommy and says: "Mama, I had a tear in my eye, because I was sooo happy."

Sass and spitfire

Eliana has started sassing. It pisses me off, and it cracks me up. Fortunately, the two play off each other so that I can calmly deal with the situation without getting upset or laughing in front of her. The other day I gave her two choices and she didn't like either, so she said, "No, Mommy. You do (whatever). That's your Only Choice." I tried again and she repeated herself a little more rudely "No, you listen to ME" so I left the room and closed the door behind me and told her she could come out when she was ready to listen and stop sassing. It was a preschool morning so a few minutes later I stopped by and poked my head in and said, "Are you ready to stop sassing and say sorry to Mommy for being sassy?" She said, "YOU say sorry to ME for sassing. You sassed me, Mommy, that is not OK." I said, "I see you need a few more minutes," closed the door again, ran to the other room, and fell over laughing, PO'd at the same time.

Kes is throwing some really good fits lately too... and pulling hair. Especially Elly's hair (Elly incites her). She pulls her clothes, too, when Elly gets into her space and she feels threatened. What busts me up is she'll grab at Elly's clothes 5 or 6 times in quick succession, with this huge stormy look on her face, and then suddenly her eyes will pop wide open and she'll smile and throw her arms around Elly and give her a huge kiss. Like, "Oh crap, what am I doing? I LOVE sister! Sorry!" Kes stopped calling me Mama, for the most part, and calls me Mommy now. For two days she couldn't say the first M, and it was so cute. "Aahhh-mi! Aahh-mi!" I was kind of sad when she got the hang of it so fast.

They are playing together a ton lately, and actually do a great job of cooperating, overall. Someone asked me what it's like to have two kids, and I told her that as much as I love each of them, the most rewarding thing in my entire life has been watching them love each other. It's pretty humbling to watch them blossom together. I'm so glad they're so close and hope they stay that way into old age.

And, she's done.

I know what I forgot to say.

Kes nursed for the last time on her 16 month birthday.

It took me quite a while to get over it, especially because I didn't see it coming and was convinced it was a strike for a few days. Then I felt like it was a strike turned into weaning and that made me sad. But then I figured out that there had been subtle warning signs that I had missed. She had stopped asking and was only nursing when I offered (at naptime and bedtime, the times that she had previously been asking). Her latch had gotten sloppy (slightly uncomfortable for me). Scott said he suspects she figured out that Elly doesn't nurse, and she wanted to be like big sister (as in everything else). So once I felt that it had been an organic process, I was able to grieve and find closure. I still would have preferred she hadn't quit so early or so fast, but I am very happy that I nursed her as long as she wanted to nurse, and that she made the decision for herself to wean when she wanted to.

Kessa language update

Words Kessa has learned directly from Elly and says with Eliana's inflection, to a tee...

"Noooooo!"
"BOP!" (stop)
"Miiine!"
and, my (least) favorite...
"Why?"

Other Kessa language (as of today... 17 months and 6 days old)

Please (peeeeeez)
Thank you (tatoo - without prompting)
Excuse me (moomee)
Sorry (reeree - no prompting, and goes up and hugs and kisses Elly)
Tree (tlee)
Nine (every number and some letters are nine)
Sister (tihter)
Mama
Dada
Grandma (Mammaw)
Grandpa (Bappaw or Gampaw)
Bird (Burr)
Cow
Moo
Horsie (Ohsee)
Neigh
Dog (gog)
Woof
Cat
Kitty (Dittee)
Meow (Wow or Mow)
Piggy (giggy)
Baaa
Clap (cla)
pea
pee
poo
potty (pahpah)
Dora (Rora)
Rosie (Reeree - our Roomba)
Vacuum (ackoo)
slide (tlie)
eat (eat, ate, or aite)
Book (booh)
Dolly (dahdy)
Toes (toetoe)
Pow
Cheerios (reeree)
Rosie
Chips (tih)
Yogurt (yoguh)
Drink (dink)
Bagel (baybuh)
Spoon (poo or spoo)
Shoe (weewee for shoeys)
Dance (da)
Egg (ayyg)
Attack (ta!"
Bear (bayboo)
Apple (ackuh)
Banana (bana or nana)
Orange (Orah)
Belly button (buhbuh)
Nose (no)
Eye
Head (at)
Belly (buh)
More
Nighnight
Bed (beh)
Puppy (puhpuh)
red (reh)
read (ree)
cracker (krakra)
cheese (tlee)
water (wahwah)
soymilk (tomih)
cup (cuh)
help (hep or elp)
video (wowow)
music (moomee)
draw (dah)
marker (ahker)
chair (tay)
car
vroom (voom)
our (ah)
my
turn (tur)
cuddle (cuhcuh)
lion (nienun)
monkey (unky)
elephant (dehduh)
zebra (beebuh)
camera (cackuh or dadduh)
cookie
ice cream (ackee)
chocolate (ockit or ocky)
type (tahtah)
string cheese (eentee)
pizza (peebuh)
pasta (pahbuh)
macaroni (roree)
blueberries (boobee)
strawberries (awbee)
Jamba Juice (dahdah)
Pirate's Booty (boobee)
Blue's Clues (bootoo)
rock, rock (rahrah)
shower (wowuh)
bath (ba)
ball (bah)
hand (an)
ow
boom
whoa
whee
bib (beebee)
baby (baby, buhbuh, or beebee)
Uncle Brian (Unbiebie)
Aunt Katie (Kakie)
splash (da!!!)
blankie (ankie)
carrot (cacah)
Shabbat (abbah, abbah!)
candles (dadduh)
Challah (cackuh)
light (lielie)
off (ock)
do
did it
brush teeth (teetee or tuhtee)
hi
bye
brush (buh)
telephone (tehtone)
up
open (ope)
done
gone
down (dow)
outside (outie)
square (tay)
circle (tirtuh)

Elly quotables

10/23
Elly, puffing out her chest and holding the bottom of her ribcage:
"Look, I have breastes!" Puffing out and drawing in her ribcage - "Now I do, now I don't, now I do, now I don't."

10/24
"I'm wiping up the oval, because it's very ovally."

10/29
"Excuse me, Mommy!" (pause) "I know how to scuse me, but I don't know how to pardon me!"
10/30
"Pardon me, Mommy... I learned how to pardon me!"

11/2
"There's Daddy! I very love him." (Very is still pronounced "berry")

11/4 - a new phase of dropping the -ee sound
"Mommy, can I use the squeege?"
"Did we already say the ha-motz?"
"Mama, does this restaurant have macarone for me to eat?"

11/13
Wearing her blinky shoes, jumped up and down. "Mommy, they BLUNK!!!"

12/6

"Look! A squirrel!" (pause) "Squirrel, mooooove!!!" (pause) "He's not moving. I think he's dead."

12/9
Cuddling in bed in the morning, playing with my ring, I explained to her that's the ring Daddy gave me when he asked me to marry him.
Elly: "Was I at your wedding?"
Me: "No, honey, you weren't born yet. We got married first and then you were born later."
Elly: "But I went to Uncle Brian and Aunt Katie's wedding. When I grow up, can I still go to weddings?"
Me: "Yes. When you grow up, you can even have your own wedding. You will find a very special man and marry him."
Elly: "But I already have a special man. Daddy!"
Me: "Yes, but Daddy is already married."
Elly: "Oh. Well, Uncle Mike's a special man too."
Me: "Yes, but Uncle Mike is already married too, he's married to Aunt Cathy."
Elly: "Oh. But how do I know a special man?"
Me: "Your special man is still a little boy, but you will grow up and he will grow up and then you will meet him and find out he is special."
Elly: "Mommy, then I will grow up first."

12/10
Cuddling in bed in the morning, Elly grabs both me and Scott around the neck. "But Mommy, I'm already married! I'm married to you and Daddy!!!"

12/14
Scott was putting the kids in the car in the morning, and as usual, Elly was dilly-dallying in the front yard. I go out and find her on the front sidewalk.
Me: "Elly, it's time to get in the car."
Elly: "But Mommy, I'm looking at the sleeping mouse!"
(oh, no)
Me: "Ohhh, Elly... Didja touch it???"
Elly: (gleefully) "I DID!!!"
(as we go in the house to wash her hands...)
"But why do I have to wash my hands? But why do mouses have germs? But why was the mouse sleeping?"

3 months worth of catch-up

I can't believe I haven't posted in 3 months.

I've been so busy with work - preparing to (student) teach my first Lamaze class in 11 short days, and to take the test in April. And busy with the kids, who are blossoming.

Eliana just started her second session of swimming - now in the big kid class. She got so confident and capable in the previous class with Daddy, now she is way ahead of all the other kids. It is a far cry from the last time we tried the big kid class, when she did nothing but screamy crying the whole time til we gave in and got her out. I am so glad we put her in the baby class.

She's still in gymnastics, just one day a week now. Loves it and is just awesome at it. She runs circles around the other kids, if I do say so myself. She is the only one who can do seat-drops back up to standing on the trampoline, and one of two who can do a handstand with her feet up on the wall (and the other one is an older boy). She is fearless and loves going over the "high" bar and doing somersaults on the balance beam (not the real one but not the one on the ground, either... it's a few feet off the ground - of course the teacher is spotting the kids).

She's not so much in a mommy phase right now as she was before but she is still very lovey. She tells me all the time that she loves me and wants to cuddle me. We've entered a very harmonious phase - somewhere in between the total disequilibrium where she is asserting her independence and the intense neediness where she wants me next to her 24/7. Man, I like the middle ground.

Kessa, on the other hand, is experiencing both at once. She goes from being an appendage to asserting herself and back multiple times a day. It's very 18-24 months, she's just doing it a little early I guess.

She is pee potty trained (with reminding) and mostly pooping in it too. The major hurdle on both is when she's having so much fun she doesn't want to interrupt playing to go potty. Pretty typical I guess, again, just early. She has even been doing a great job out in public - peeing in public restrooms and/or holding it while we're out - though I still diaper her for most outings. And she's often in dipes at home, simply b/c I need more tiny underwear.

Tuesday she got her first major booboo. And it's not that major, it just freaked me out. She fell while holding one of their plastic golf clubs and it hit her in the mouth. It cut her outside lip and pushed her lip into her tooth so that the inside got totally gashed by her tooth. When I first looked at it and saw it bleeding on both the inside and outside I thought she'd pierced through her whole lip and it totally freaked me out. Then I figured out what had happened but called the dr and they said if the outside wasn't bad she would be fine b/c the inside heals very fast. Two days later it still looks bad, but better than before, so I suppose it's healing. Scott keeps calling her a boxer.

That's all I can think of right now. Amazing how fast 3 months goes.