D: "Mommy? An me hab peany butta like Olly?" (Eliana has just had her bedtime snack: Barney's almond butter on a spoon.)
Me: "You want it on a spoon like Elly?"
D: "Yeah, yeah, me hab it on a poon! Pleadz?"
Me: "Okay, let's go to the kitchen, I'll get it for you."
He leads the way. By the time I get to the kitchen, he's holding the tub of Barney butter, which he hands to me. I notice that he's also licking his teeth.
Me: "Did you already eat some peanut butter?"
D: "No."
I look inside. There's clearly scrape marks along the side. Elly's spoon, or D's fingers?
Me: "Did you use your fingers?"
D: "No, me not."
I smell almond butter on his breath.
Me: "You clearly ate some, my son. Tell me, what did you use to eat the peanut butter?"
D: "Me tongue." Sticks it out. "Me need a poon, Mommy."
I do love that he pronounces Elly "Olly" - my niece Meriden did the same at his age.
Also, he's combined "Yee-haw!" and "Wheee!" into a delightful exclamation - "Whee-haw!" That might be the best word ever.
The girls started at a new school last week - two days of school then the weekend. It's a small school - only one class per grade. Today she got invited to a birthday party, happening today, because they had invited all the girls in the class a month ago and the mom just figured out this morning that there were new kids to invite. I thought it was pretty cool that she went to the effort to get ahold of me and make sure that Kes didn't feel left out. After the party, Kesenia was describing to me who she was making friends with and what she likes about them, and then she said: "I think I'm going to make a good lot of pals this year, Mom." I couldn't be happier for her. Last year, in our homeschooling group, there were a ton of kids Eliana's age and one boy Kesenia's age. I am hopeful that this school is exactly what my kids need both academically and socially.
I overheard Eliana explaining to Kes the other day that there were two kinds of twins: "In one kind, like Rowan and Meriden, there are two eggs and two sperms and each egg gets a sperm. In the other kind, there's only one egg and it gets two sperms." (I stifled a laugh, then straightened that out really fast. )
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Happy 6th birthday Kesenia!
Six years ago today, my second baby was born!
Don't all mothers reminisce about meeting their baby on their child's birthday, no matter what their plans for birth or what actually happened during their birth? It's why I wish my friends a happy momiversary, or a happy birthgivinday, or a happy birthiversary instead of or in addition to wishing them a happy birthday for their child.
It was such a healing process for me. Eliana was born in a planned hospital birth with unplanned and unnecessary interventions. Making peace with her birth was a long process that spanned many years, and Kesenia's birth was a leap forward in that for me.
As I reminisce and reread her birth story as I wrote it back then, I can't help but notice again what I've always felt about my kids - their births suit them so well. Kesenia's life has been as full of love, surprise, and joy as her birth.
Don't all mothers reminisce about meeting their baby on their child's birthday, no matter what their plans for birth or what actually happened during their birth? It's why I wish my friends a happy momiversary, or a happy birthgivinday, or a happy birthiversary instead of or in addition to wishing them a happy birthday for their child.
It was such a healing process for me. Eliana was born in a planned hospital birth with unplanned and unnecessary interventions. Making peace with her birth was a long process that spanned many years, and Kesenia's birth was a leap forward in that for me.
As I reminisce and reread her birth story as I wrote it back then, I can't help but notice again what I've always felt about my kids - their births suit them so well. Kesenia's life has been as full of love, surprise, and joy as her birth.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Rounded out
We're packing up the house for the move, and today I came across a journal I started as a private adjunct to the journaling I was doing on this blog, about 5 years ago. It only has 3 entries in it; apparently privacy wasn't all that necessary. (?) To set the scene, I had only the two girls at the time and they were about three and one. I had recently taken my Lamaze teacher training course and was observing a Lamaze series taught by an excellent childbirth educator, but had still not attended any of the 3 births I was required to attend to complete my Lamaze certification, and I was nervous about them. I knew birth was extraordinary and powerful. I thought I was too small to hold the space for birthing women.
The entry 5 years ago today states, "I recognize that I need to carve out some time for myself and some space for me to be more than Elly and Kes's mom. That will always be the most important part, but I need to define myself as my own person separate from them, just as they will - and are - defining themselves as separate from me as they grow. Heck, it may even make me better at being their mom. I don't know what this will look like... it's going to take a lot of exploration."
Heh. I wouldn't call it exploration. More like "Hook, line, and sinker" with that very first birth. I went home and signed up for doula training. Then during birth five, I knew I had to be a midwife. I remember the exact moment the switch flipped in my brain. It didn't feel like a choice.
Looking back on this journal entry, I'm proud to have defined myself so strongly as my own person. My kids still come first and I would do anything for them, even give up midwifery, if that were what they needed. It's also a little sad to remember what I had in mind as the time and space that would be mine alone, and compare it to the dedication it takes to become, and be, a midwife. I would not have chosen something that encroaches on my life and parenting this much if it hadn't chosen me.
I've often thought about whether I would do it all the same again, knowing what I know now. It has been incredibly hard to be away from them as much as I have, especially in the past 6-7 months. I know I am a midwife, and I am so fulfilled by the work, even when it is hard, and these experiences have also made evident the benefit in waiting a few years, til one's kids are school aged. I've had moments of doubt and have begged Scott to tell me, "Am I doing the right thing? Are the kids really okay? Can I keep doing this, or do they need more consistency from me?" Every time, he says, "I've never seen you this happy. You need to do this for you. The kids are fine, and they need you to be happy." He's right - I am a happier, more complete person. I have more to give to them, even though I have less time for giving it. The time that is taken away is made up for in the laughter and connection that I've added to our lives by rounding out the person I am, and being myself. I won't deny that there have been days that I have been so sleep deprived that they've watched too much TV or I haven't had the patience with them that I would have had on a full night's sleep, but in general, I am indeed a much better mother than I was when I wrote this entry five years ago.
I feel not only proud, but grateful to have happened upon birth work, and grateful at how smooth my path has been. I've had excellent midwives as teachers, and I've had the opportunity to not only witness the beauty of birth at countless "butter" births, but to learn from many challenging births. I can see myself not only as strong enough to support women in the portal, but steady enough to have clarity in times of crisis, and act. As I near the end of my official training period (one never stops learning), it's affirming to stand back and see that I am stepping into a part of myself that was waiting, to see that I am who I thought I could be. This journal entry from five years ago was more evidence of all the work I've done. I feel fortunate.
The entry 5 years ago today states, "I recognize that I need to carve out some time for myself and some space for me to be more than Elly and Kes's mom. That will always be the most important part, but I need to define myself as my own person separate from them, just as they will - and are - defining themselves as separate from me as they grow. Heck, it may even make me better at being their mom. I don't know what this will look like... it's going to take a lot of exploration."
Heh. I wouldn't call it exploration. More like "Hook, line, and sinker" with that very first birth. I went home and signed up for doula training. Then during birth five, I knew I had to be a midwife. I remember the exact moment the switch flipped in my brain. It didn't feel like a choice.
Looking back on this journal entry, I'm proud to have defined myself so strongly as my own person. My kids still come first and I would do anything for them, even give up midwifery, if that were what they needed. It's also a little sad to remember what I had in mind as the time and space that would be mine alone, and compare it to the dedication it takes to become, and be, a midwife. I would not have chosen something that encroaches on my life and parenting this much if it hadn't chosen me.
I've often thought about whether I would do it all the same again, knowing what I know now. It has been incredibly hard to be away from them as much as I have, especially in the past 6-7 months. I know I am a midwife, and I am so fulfilled by the work, even when it is hard, and these experiences have also made evident the benefit in waiting a few years, til one's kids are school aged. I've had moments of doubt and have begged Scott to tell me, "Am I doing the right thing? Are the kids really okay? Can I keep doing this, or do they need more consistency from me?" Every time, he says, "I've never seen you this happy. You need to do this for you. The kids are fine, and they need you to be happy." He's right - I am a happier, more complete person. I have more to give to them, even though I have less time for giving it. The time that is taken away is made up for in the laughter and connection that I've added to our lives by rounding out the person I am, and being myself. I won't deny that there have been days that I have been so sleep deprived that they've watched too much TV or I haven't had the patience with them that I would have had on a full night's sleep, but in general, I am indeed a much better mother than I was when I wrote this entry five years ago.
I feel not only proud, but grateful to have happened upon birth work, and grateful at how smooth my path has been. I've had excellent midwives as teachers, and I've had the opportunity to not only witness the beauty of birth at countless "butter" births, but to learn from many challenging births. I can see myself not only as strong enough to support women in the portal, but steady enough to have clarity in times of crisis, and act. As I near the end of my official training period (one never stops learning), it's affirming to stand back and see that I am stepping into a part of myself that was waiting, to see that I am who I thought I could be. This journal entry from five years ago was more evidence of all the work I've done. I feel fortunate.
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