Elly quotes

Half-stomping, half-flouncing down the hallway to her room, having been given a time-out, while in dress-up clothes:
"Princesses don't go to their rooms."

Upon having an argument over whether Kes needed to apologize for having misread Elly's intentions, which degraded into semantics:
"But it's Kessa's fault!"
"She just made a mistake."
"Fault means mistake! Fault means mistake in Jewish!"
(Later, upon my asking her to explain the meaning of the word "fault" to Scott: "Fault means mistake in Hebrew.")

During a discussion of personal safety and body boundaries:
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."
(YEAH!!! Way to set boundaries, Elly!!! But, how to have the discussion later without scaring her? Time to look into books...)

Ooh, speaking of books, Eliana is really reading! She can read "Biscuit" and a bunch of small early readers. Very simple words still, and many phonemes with letter combos are still being introduced (including th which is a toughie since she still can't actually say th and says f. it'll get there.) It makes me cry because it is just a miracle. This child slipped from my womb 4 years ago and now she reads. Watching her turn marks on a page into sounds, words, stories to enjoy... watching her pride in herself and her pleasure at my pride in her... it is amazing.

Eliana has had a big increase in wanting to be cuddled, hugged, kissed, and told she is loved lately. It is wonderful for me after over 1.5 years of being pretty standoffish from me. I guess she has adequately affirmed to herself that she is an individual and can now come back for affection and admit a desire for some dependence. I am enjoying it but am also having a hard time finding where to draw boundaries with discipline - our standard has been some time in her room, usually just to cool down, though sometimes as a time-out. Now the reaction is a heartbreaking cry with "but I want my mommy! I want a hug!" Also she is using it at bedtime to get attention from me without getting in trouble for being out of bed - she will come out of bed just to get a quick hug or even for me to blow a kiss at her down the hallway. On the one hand, I can tell she is testing me. On the other hand, I see it as indicative of a need for reassurance that I love her and want to be with her. I am trying to fulfill it during the day, but when it spills over into night, I do not think it is necessarily the right thing to deny affection. I don't believe in limiting the hours during which I will parent lovingly.

I can remember being even 9 years old and coming out to my parents when my braces had been tightened and were hurting me. I remember knowing they couldn't fix it but just wanting to connect with them to take a bit of love back with me to my room while I tried to fall asleep through the pain. Usually, I got that, though sometimes my mother was frustrated that I was out of bed. I try to carry my childhood memories into my parenting - remember why I acted as I did, what I really needed, what responses were helpful. I try to remember that there are always needs behind behavior. Lately Eliana has been unpleasantly demanding and contentious quite often and it has been hard to focus on underlying needs, or to begin to fathom exactly what is driving this behavior, but I am starting to have some ideas. At the very least, I can focus on continuing to be a positive model for her and reflecting her inner value, by staying patient, positive, and keeping at the surface the unconditional love that is always within.