The (un)reality of death

Eliana does not like the concept of death. Never has. But as she gets older it gets more real, deeper, and the fear is greater.

Olympia, the cat I'd had since I was nine, died a couple of months ago, and this week was our first trip to my parents house since then. I'd decided to wait til she noticed Olympia was gone to tell her. She didn't react very strongly, just an "Ohhhh. Why did she die?" and seemed to accept our explanation that she was very old. (Very.)

Then yesterday as we left Modesto after Thanksgiving I parked in front of my grandma's tree for a few minutes. We planted this tree when she died 19 years ago at the age of 51. She would have turned 70 a week ago. So I sat there and Elly asked me what we were doing. I explained it to her. (She already knows about Grandma Linda.) She thought that sounded like a nice idea and asked me if I would plant a tree for her when she died. I said I hoped I would die first because I was older than her and I wanted her to be very very old before she died, and that I hoped I would also be very very old before I died.

Then tonight, I heard her crying over the baby monitor and I went to hug her. She said about 2 minutes worth of explanation that I could not make out. Finally I asked her to repeat herself and I figured out that she was saying she was sad because someday Grandma was going to die. She said, "I want grandma to live forever." I said, "Oh me too honey. It's sad that everybody dies, but grandma is not sick and she is not old and she will be here for a long long time." She said, "But I can't stop thinking about when she dies." I said, "Well, try to think about what you're going to do with Grandma tomorrow." She said, "I just told you, I can't stop thinking about when she dies." (I would've laughed if she hadn't been so pathetic.) "OK, would it help if Grandma comes to give you a cuddle now?" "Yes!"

Poor baby. It must be so overwhelming at her age to think about loss. I hope it's a long time before she has to feel a loss.