American priorities for mothers: version one (snarky)

Birth and postpartum the standard American way:

"Why would you want to have a baby at home? Something could go wrong! You could need a c-section! Your baby could have the cord around its neck! You could bleed to death in five minutes! And the hospital is life-saving! You want to check out before 24 hours? Ludicrous! Your baby could stop breathing! You could get an infection! Stay here where it's clean and we take good care of you!

OK, now go. Go home. No we don't need to see you any more. Sure, your baby absolutely needs to go to the pediatrician, at one week, two weeks, four weeks. Absolutely. You, though, you just go take care of yourself and be thrilled with your baby. Breastfeeding is tough? That's okay, formula is perfectly fine. Here, have a free sample. No, we don't care how you're doing, not until your six week visit. Then we'll be happy to tell you how much less you should weigh by now, how breastmilk is best - oh whoops, I forgot, of course formula is fine, no I didn't mean to make you feel guilty! Now of course, you wouldn't imagine stopping at one child, but you'd better go on the pill right now so you can space them appropriately and not ruin your body or screw up your kids irreparably.

Isn't motherhood amazing? Oh, it's hard? Well, what did you expect, it's a baby... you could've just bought a cat if you wanted easy. You don't seem depressed at all, you just need to sleep train your baby and then you'll feel better. But isn't motherhood amazing?"

I will follow up with an actual thoughtful post on the culture of fear of birth, blame on mothers, and complete ignorance of postpartum depression.